If THE GODFATHER Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most beloved and revered American films of all time. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please move on. But I would avoid that one toll road, if I were you.

THE GODFATHER 101 FINE CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES

Hello! Thanks for turning around our previous round of notes so quickly. While we’ve made some progress, we are still a long long, long way off. The cut is still way too fat (we could cut this half and still have too much time) and there are some elements we requested that aren’t in yet. Where are the bites we asked for? Right now, the cut is just too lugubrious and slow. Please fire whatever hack editors were on before and bring in a new staff. (I could recommend some editors from VANDERPUMP RULES or MAMA JUNE - they could add some zip this mess!) We are missing so many opportunities for comedy here. Also, there are too many characters. Let’s talk about trimming some time and cut to the chase. They’re mobsters, this should feel fun, and not like homework! (What are we, PBS?)

Once these general notes are addressed, we will send you time coded notes. But right now, there’s just too much work to do! It’s time for us to start ideating and thinking outside the box! (One trick I find useful: I write down the title of each scene on a card and put them all on the wall in order. That way, we can see the whole show in front of us and figure out the structure! If you need help with this, my assistant can talk you through it. He’s great and gave some of these notes!)

Also, we just watched 102 and we are confused by it. If there are scenes that take place before 101, why aren’t they in 101? Let’s get on the phone later on today and talk this out. So confused!

Please do a subtitle pass on Don Corleone. Five cuts in, I still can’t understand a thing he says.

OPENING

This music, really? Are we really starting the show with this… slow, turgid score? We have to set the tone very quickly. Right now, this tone says “TAKE A NAP!” when it should say “HEY-O, FUN TIME TO BE HAD!” Let’s do a complete music pass — think hip hop, urban, and maybe some pop? Think less John Williams and more Post Malone. Let’s discuss!

General note: we need to lighten up this whole show in the online. It’s currently way too dark. We don’t do moody lighting in reality TV; the audience will get confused and think they’re watching Leah Remini taking down Scientology. Let’s brighten things up!

We go from the logo to a guy just talking? Whoa whoa whoa, I’m so confused. Where are we? What’s happening? Let’s start off with a nice b-roll transition in with a lyric cue that establishes where we are and the mood. We have to set the stage as elementary as possible — that’s Storytelling 101!

This guy telling the Godfather the story about his daughter has the potential to be touching… if we had any idea who he was! Hello, we need some bites in here! Let’s intro this guy with a bite like “Hello, I’m so-and-so, and I really love this country. My daughter has been roughed up by a bunch of guys and I really need some help! I do hope the Godfather — who is the most powerful person in my New York neighborhood — will help me out. If he doesn’t, then I won’t know what to do!” (Please get this in his own words but as close to verbatim as possible).

Oh, we finally see our title character! I can barely understand him and on top of that, we have no context on who he is. You know what would settle that? A BITE. Good Christ, you guys, this is sloppy to the nth degree. Have him say something along the lines like “Hi! I’m Don Corleone. I run a big mob family in New York. I was born with next to nothing and I worked my way up to one of the most powerful people in town. People love to come to me with their problems and I’m willing to help… as long as I’m respected. If i’m not, then there will be problems!” (Get this verbatim)

When Corleone says they’re not murders, can he expound on that? Legal wants to make sure we aren’t getting into anything dicey. Thanks!

THE WEDDING

Okay, this scene goes on and on and on. What is this, in real time? We’re seeing a lot of dancing and not a lot of movement on the story. Let’s restructure this scene. Have some dancing, intro Sonny and Tom (with big intro bites for both) and let’s lose the wedding photo bit. Then when Michael finally shows up, give him a big intro package explaining his war history and bites from other family members as to why his father is so fond of him. If we don’t set this up, then the audience will be confused. How are we supposed to know who he is? By picking up context cues and by merely people talking to each other? That’s what scripted is for!

When Michael explains what a consigliere, this is a great opportunity for an infographic to come up and give the audience some takeaway info. The audience is craving such things and our studies show that our key demographic loves mafia trivia. Let’s give them what they want!

Make sure we can clear Johnny Fontaine’s song. If not, please use a sound-alike.

WOLTZ’S HOUSE

Please blur the horse’s head in Woltz’s bed. According to our records, it never signed a release.

CORLEONE GETTING SHOT

Fredo’s father gets shot and Fredo just freezes? He doesn’t say anything? Is there another take where Corleone gets shot that Fredo actually says something? If not, you know what would be helpful? A BITE. Man, you all are disappointing me. Have him say something like “I was so stunned by my dad getting shot, I didn’t know what to do!” Sure we can infer that from Fredo’s action, but unless he says it explicitly, how am I supposed to know? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

Wait, why did the Turk have Corleone shot? Oh right, Corleone turned down his offer to get in on his heroin trafficking. What would really help here is a flashback! Telling the audience exactly everything that’s going on at all times is the height of storytelling! (I learned that a great seminar in ‘99 at CSUN!)

When Clemenza says “Luca Brasi is sleeping with the fishes”, do we have any footage of that? If we say it and don’t see it, then the audience will get confused. Also, sleeping with fish can be either smelly or dangerous. Let’s put in a disclaimer at the beginning of the show that only professionals should try slumbering with sea animals. We can’t afford another lawsuit.

Please add a pick up scene where Clemenza talks about why he likes pastries over firearms. Otherwise his line “leave the gun, take the cannoli” doesn’t have the proper context.

MICHAEL’S MEETING WITH SOLLOZZO

This scene just sits there until Michael starts shooting people (which we don’t endorse on this network, by the way. Let’s add that to the disclaimer at the beginning). It plays completely dry and there are no bites about Michael’s state of mind during this scene. Is he angry? Scared? Frustrated? Let’s throw in some bites from him about the situation, a bite or two from Sollozzo about what he wants from Michael and one from the crooked cop about the veal. (Again, take away for the audience!) Oh, and don’t make the scene feel bite heavy.

MICHAEL IN ITALY

This whole section is pretty… dull. We need to lose a lot of time. Let’s cut it and make it a web extra. We can cover Michael’s wedding in a bite.

SONNY AT THE TOLL BOOTH

Sonny getting shot up on the causeway is a harrowing, scary scene… but he wasn’t wearing a seat belt. Any way we can use an effect in online to add one? We want to make sure we are being responsible.

THE DON’S DEATH

Corleone’s passing is touching and tragic, but he does so while he’s playing around with oranges, which could go against our product placement contract with the California Orange Growers Association. Please double check and make sure we aren’t putting that in jeopardy.

THE CHRISTENING

There is a lot of things happening in the Christening, a lot of cross cutting. Let’s do a lower third pass on all of the people who get whacked so we can follow what’s going on. Spelling things out is storytelling at its finest!

MICHAEL AND KAY FIGHT

When Michael tells Kay not to ask about his business, can we throw in a flashback to show what his business is? If someone were to tune in right at this point, they would be confused and get lost really easily. Remember Rule #14 in our Network Style Guide: Flashbacks are our friends!

Please turn around the cut to us (with notes responses) by noon tomorrow EST. Thanks!

If DIE HARD Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers on one of the most beloved and acclaimed action films of all time. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please grab an unused firehose and shimmy down a skyscraper.

DIE HARD ROUGH CUT 7 NETWORK NOTES

Hey guys. Thanks for all of your hard work on the past 6 rough cuts.  We are definitely getting closer to where we need to be but we are pretty far from where we need to go.  Right now, the show is lacking what we here at the network call "storytelling." We're missing some key aspects, guys. The "Who." The "How." And most importantly, the "Why." We have an idea who John McClain is, but we need to dig in more to the "who." We know Hans Gruber by name and expensive suit, but we really don't know his "who." And with Sergeant Al, we know him but we really need to know his "how", you know? Without us digging into these, the show currently lacks focus and drive. The show really needs a smoothing pass, a bite pass, a comedy pass, a chyron pass and a suspense pass.  Once these passes happen, then we can give time coded notes.  Until then, it's just a pass.

Also the show right now is rather violent. We take acts of aggression very seriously on this network. Let's make sure we get McClain, Al and others to discuss this at the reunion.  That way we can have some apologies, a logo for an anti-violence charity and boom, ratings gold! 

JOHN MCLAIN ARRIVES IN LOS ANGELES

Wow guys, our introduction to our lead guy is on an airplane and some rando guy talks first? WRONG. John is our lead. He's what our focus group of women 30-42 in Kansas City, Kansas describes as "non-threateningly aggressive in an non-approachable relatable manner." In short, the ideal lead for our network.  So, we need to give him the intro package that he deserves. Have him arrive at the airport in New York with some snazzy b-roll and a Dua Lipa sound-alike with a bite like "My name is John McClain. I'm a New York City cop devoted to getting all the scum off of the streets. I'm flying to Los Angeles to see my wife and kids and hopefully repair my marriage. My wife Holly took a job in LA and it actually took off. It's formed a rift between us and maybe we can work things out. Hopefully, nothing bad will happen during my time in LA. But I'm glad I have years of experience dealing with bad guys, just in case." (Please get him to say that in his own words)

Per legal, please have somebody check to see if balling up your bare feet on carpet can get rid of jet lag. If it's not true, we're just begging for a lawsuit. 

Whoa, what's happening? We smash cut from LAX to the inside of a big office Christmas party? Are we still in Los Angeles? Are we on the moon? I'm so lost! Let's do a big juicy b-roll transition with shots of palm trees, the beach and festive non-denominational holiday decorations that are in the public domain. Over that, put a big chyron that says "Los Angeles." Then, put in some dusk b-roll shots of "Nakatomi Plaza" with the chyron "Nakatomi Plaza." That way, the audience will know exactly where we are at all times!

Holly is a great female role model for our network. She's feisty (but not too feisty), independent (but not too independent), and has big hair. Since she's our lead, let's throw in an intro bite with her along the lines of "Hi, I'm Holly Gennaro, director of corporate interests for the Nakatomi Corporation. I love my job and my two kids.  My husband is due in any minute. Hopefully nothing bad will happen while he's here. It's Christmas Eve!" (Since she's good in interview, please have her say this in her own words. But organically and succinctly)

Is someone snorting cocaine off of a desk? Per S&P, we'll need to blur that. Or cut around it. Especially if there are visible logos on the blotter. 

AND THE GERMANS INVADE

Wait a second, hold up. Two guys come in and shoot the security guard? And then other guys hack and take over the building systems? And bring up a bunch of guns and rocket launchers and start to take people hostage? Why is this happening? I'm so confused. You know what would help out here? A FUCKING BITE, GUYS. This is just soooooooooo slapdash and amateur hour. What do you think this is, the FYI network? Add in a bite from Hans explaining who they are and what they are doing. If I don't know who they are right off the bat, then why should I care about them taking over a building? 

Per S&P, please blur the woman's breasts as she's being pulled out of an office.

MCCLAIN STARTS TO FIGHT BACK.

McClain's fight with the blond terrorist is thrilling and scary. Kudos to your editing team. The one thing that would help this scene is a bite from John as they fall down the flight of stairs. Let's get inside his head as it's being bashed!

Oh, Hans wants the $640 million of bearer bonds from the Nakatomi safe. Got it.  Let's throw in an infographic explaining to the audience what a bearer bond is.  Our audience loves take-home information!

Please add a bite where John says he now has a machine gun.  Otherwise him writing "Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho" on the dead terrorist's sweatshirt doesn't have any context. 

SERGEANT AL'S INTRO

Please add an intro bite and b-roll to when we meet our lovable and pleasantly irascible sergeant. Great Hostess Twinkies product integration, by the way. Is there any way we can add it earlier in the show? Let's put some in at the beginning of the party. We don't want to give the connotation that an artificially made pastry has anything to do with killer German terrorists. 

THE POLICE RAID NAKATOMI PLAZA

Wait, why are the police here again? Oh right, the hostage situation with the terrorists! I completely forgot.  Let's add flashback to them taking over the building and Hans shooting Takagi. If we are constantly telling the audience exactly what to think and feel at all times, then we are doing our jobs. Remember, guys, it's storytelling!

Per S&P, please make sure the line is now "Yippie-Kai-Yay, mother [BLEEP]!"

THE PRESS AND THE FBI ARRIVE

William Thornburg is a highly unscrupulous, amoral creep who will stop at nothing to wring every ounce of drama out of an awful situation.  Is he looking for a job? Because we need a new Director of Development and we think he'd be a perfect fit.  Let us know!

Per S&P, please add a disclaimer warning people not to run on broken glass. Again, we don't need another lawsuit here. 

When Al mentions that the FBI has "Universal Terrorist Handbook" and "they're playing it step by step," do we have a shot of that handbook? If they mention the book, we definitely need to see it! (And make sure we have a material release too.)

MCCLAIN SAVES THE DAY

Once John saves everyone including Holly, let's add a bite from him saying how relieved he is that Holly is safe. If we don't hear him say it, how would we know? HOW WOULD WE KNOW?! You know our motto: "A Bite Is Worth A Thousand Shots." 

It's 1pm EST. Please have this cut turned around by noon PST. Thanks a bunch! And Merry Christmas!

If PSYCHO Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most iconic films ever made. If you don't wish to be spoiled, please go back now. But do leave the Bates Motel a positive review on Yelp.

PSYCHO FINE CUT 2 NETWORK NOTES

Hello! Big thanks to your team for all of their hard work. It hasn't gone unnoticed. You guys like Sprinkles? Well, once this locks, we'll get you all some fancy cupcakes.  But based on this cut, that won't happen for a while. We have a couple big problems right now. First of all, as a network that's all about adventure and going to far-off locations and quirky destinations, we spend a lot of time at the Bates Motel and we don't know anything about it! How can we feature a hotel and not talk about its amazing amenities? Is there a spa? A Michelin star chef? Sure, there's a serial killer, but is there a chocolate fountain? Let's see if we can tone down on the mass murder and play up on the fun locale! Secondly, our legal department really dropped the ball by focusing on a main character who commits fraud from her company. Maybe we do reshoots with a new customer at the Bates Motel who isn't on the run from the law? The more we keep Marion on screen, the larger disclaimer we'll need to run at the beginning of every act. If we do that, we'll come across like that Leah Remini show (except our subject matter is less scary, am I right?) Also, we desperately need a bites pass! Once that happens, we can give time coded notes.  Until then, please do the following and we can discuss. Thirdly, something is wrong with the color correction. The cut was in black and white.  Please address. 

PHOENIX

Great use of lower thirds saying "Phoenix, Arizona" and the time and day. We wish more shows would do that. It's a great way of letting the audience know where the show is taking place. If we confuse 'em, we lose 'em! Marion and Sam have some great chemistry, but it is just aching for a great intro package.  Kick it off with a bite like "Hi, I'm Marion Crane. I work for a real estate company in Phoenix. My boyfriend Sam comes to town infrequently, and he's dealing with a lot of money problems. I wish there was some way I could help him!" [Please get this in her own words.]

When the oil tycoon gives Marion the $40,000 for his daughter's new house, please get a bite from Marion like "Wow, this is a lot of money. That could really help a lot of people, even by my boyfriend Sam!" If we don't lay the groundwork now for what Marion does with the money, the audience will be taken by surprise by what happens later. The more obvious we make things, the better it is. That's Story Telling At It's Finest. (That's also a new motto we're test marketing. Did very well in Duluth!)

Wait a minute, we never see Marion say "I'm going to steal the money, get out of town and give it to Sam?"!?! Wrong wrong WRONG. This is just so sloppy! Ugh, guys, we've been over this. We have to hear from Marion make the decision to steal the money and why she's doing it! Get a bite from here that says "I'm taking the money and running out of town so I can give it to my boyfriend Sam so we can get married and start our new lives together." If she doesn't explain it, the audience will get confused as to what's happening. And if they do that, they'll switch over to BIG BANG THEORY. And no one wants that. Get the bite and ADR it in if you have to.  

Per legal, let's put in a disclaimer saying it's wrong to steal $40,000 from your boss. If we don't, we're just asking for a lawsuit.

HIGHWAY OUT OF TOWN

Can we think about doing a music pass as well? We've been hearing a lot of orchestral cues. Let's vary it up. Maybe a Dua Lipa soundalike? Or some dub step.  Scour your music libraries for something that sounds like Top 40 and get creative!

As Marion is trying to trade out her car for a new one, add a cymbal scrape every time to turns to look at the cop across the street.  That will help add to the tension. (That and a bite from here that says "I'm so nervous right now. Every time I look over at the cop across the street, I feel more tense!")

Whoa, I'm so confused! Marion is driving, not saying anything, but we are hearing dialogue of her boss and co-worker asking about where she is and what happened to her? Is there a problem with the cut? Oh wait! She's imagining this conversation. Ohhhhh. Yeah, that's not clear. Either cut back to her office and show her boss and co-worker talking or don't show them at all.  This is just too confusing, you guys.  That's a no-no.  

No notes on the Dodge Motors production integration. 

ARRIVING AT BATES MOTEL

27 minutes go by and we're finally at the Bates Motel? Too long, guys.  Way too long. Also, where is this? Somewhere in California, I know, but a lower third would be really helpful.  Also, this is the hotel we're featuring? If this is the place we are focusing on, then we should really think outside the box here: makeover! We can take this dilapidated old motel and make it something chic and fun and hipster-friendly.  Considering the condition of this place, the only blonde screaming in here should be Gordon Ramsey wondering why the French Onion soup isn't rustic. But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

When Marion meets Norman, we should get an intro bite from Norman. In reality television, we like to give the impression of mysterious but not actually be mysterious.  And that goes the same with our main characters. Have Norman say something like "Hi, my name is Norman Bates. I run the Bates Motel out here in the middle of nowhere. Even though I'm shy, deep down I'm a people person and family means a lot to me."  

Please make sure we have a material release for all of the taxidermy in Norman's office. 

As Norman goes on and on about his mother, Marion seems to be getting more and more uncomfortable with the conversation. I say "seems" because unless we have a bite from here telling us how she feels, we'll never know for sure.  Put in a bite from her saying how uncomfortable this conversation is making her. Otherwise, how are we to know? If we aren't telling the audience how to feel at all times, then we are falling down on the job. And no one is falling around here! 

MARION IS MURDERED

Wait, why is Marion working on a math problem? Oh right, she stole $40,000 and used some of it to pay for a new car.  I completely forgot.  Let's throw in a flashback of her stealing the money and then buying the car and then add a bite from her explaining all of that.  That way anyone who came in to the show at the commercial break will be all caught up.  Sure, they don't do that in scripted but hey, we're reality - it's what we do!

Let's  get a bite from Marion as she's being stabbed. We really need to know her state of mind at this critical point.

We don't need this full sequence of Norman cleaning up the bathroom after the murder.  Let's cut it and make it a snap-in.  

ARBOGAST LOOKS FOR MARION

Why does this Sam guy look familiar? Oh right, he's Marion's boyfriend! I completely forgot.  Let's throw in a flashback from earlier to remind the audience who he is and why he's there. Don't assume that they'll remember something from 45 minutes before.  This is reality TV, not GAME OF THRONES!

Arbogast does introduce himself to Sam and Lila in the hardware store so we don't need a full intro package from him.  Let's definitely lower third him as well.  Does he have a fun Twitter handle? If so, add that to it. If not, his Snapchat should be fine.  We need to show our audience that our cast members are big on social media. Getting the right buzz on social media is murder (poor choice of words)

SAM AND LILA LOOK FOR MARION

Sam and Lila recount every plot point to the Sheriff and his wife. Excellent producing!  No notes for this scene. 

As Lila and Sam drive over to the Motel and Lila tells Sam of her plan that they'll pose as husband and wife, add a cymbal scrape to her sound up.  That'll drive this point home.  Remember, we use music and sound design to enhance and elevate scenes.  Let's use both of these to tell the best story possible!

Is there an unused funny scene we can add before Lila and Sam arrive at Bates Motel?\ Things have been so tense for so long. Let's give the audience a break with something goofy and fun. Comb your footage and let's discuss!

When Lila goes up into the Bates' home, let's get a bite from her where she talks about how anxious she is to find her sister.  I know she mentioned that in the previous scene with Sam, but let's hear it from her as well.  The more we hear from our characters, the more we can care for them and relate to them and then our audience gives us the ratings we need!

When Norman Bates' mother is revealed, let's add the lower third so the audience knows for sure. Remember, making things very obvious is the height of storytelling. 

FINAL SCENE AT THE COURTHOUSE

The psychologist over-explains what happened with Norman. It's obvious and very pedantic.  We love it.  Don't change a thing. 

Please do these notes by 5:30EST today. Thanks!

If THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for the one of the popular stop-motion animation films of all-time. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please go back to Christmastown and lay down for a long winter's nap.  

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS RC3 NETWORK NOTES - 3pm EST

Hello! We appreciate all of your hard work on getting the last cut back to us in an almost-timely manner.  The show is slowly taking shape, but we still have a lot of work ahead of us. The big problem we have right now is focus.  We visit Halloweentown and Christmastown and yet we barely know either place! How are they connected? What are the political structures? Can our viewers go visit for some fun shopping? If Jack is the Pumpkin King of Halloweentown, why is there a Mayor? (Is there an order of succession?) There a lot of questions we have and in reality TV, we leave people in suspense, not with questions! A bite pass is absolutely necessary.  Once this happens, we can send time coded notes.  But not until then. 

"THIS IS HALLOWEEN"

Halloweentown is kinda cool, in a Hot Topic sort of way.  Are there any other shots of the town with more color? This is the start of the show and we need to grab the audience right from the first frame! Comb through your footage and find some drone b-roll overhead of the town during the day so the audience will fall in love with it right away. The lyric track is working pretty well, so let's go for a win with some great juicy b-roll! (Make sure it's free; we aren't paying for it.)

We are seeing A LOT of monsters as we go through the town and I can't tell them apart! Let's extend the VO to explain who these creatures are and why we should care about them.  We need to spell things out for the audience as much as possible. That's storytelling!

It takes almost 4 1/2 minutes for Jack to be introduced? NO no no NO.  As he's being carted in, let's do a big intro package from him like "Hi, I'm Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloweentown. I'm in charge of making sure that the big scary holiday known as 'Halloween' is s scary as possible." (Please get this verbatim) While it can be inferred from the sound-ups of the townspeople that Jack does all this, we can't assume that the audience will pick up on that. That's for scripted. This is reality!

Per legal, please add a disclaimer that no one should set themselves on fire and dive into a dirty well to become Jack Skellington.  

We just introduce Sally by her lurking in the background and then she loses an arm to get away from her abusive boyfriend. That would be great stuff... if there was a bite to go along with it! Ugh, you guys, come on. Whoever edited this should be fired and replaced. (Get someone cheaper.) Yes, it seems like Sally doesn't like her boyfriend but if she doesn't tell me in a bite that this guy is bad news, then how am I to know? HOW AM I TO KNOW? Please get her saying something like "My name is Sally.  Evil Scientist made in his lab as his companion but I'd rather be out in the world and meet Jack Skellington!" (Make sure you get this in her own words) 

"JACK'S LAMENT"

Jack is going on and on about how he feels stuck and wants to try something else. It's beautiful and gorgeously shot.  Since we're long, let's condense this to a bite and make it a podbuster. 

On a side note, we've been in Halloweentown for over 10 minutes and we haven't learned a single Halloween decorating tip! People, if we are doing holidays here then we have to give the audience some take-away information! Comb through your footage and see if you can add something new. Does Jack teach a vampire how to make a great tasty punch for a Halloween party? Does Sally show the Evil Scientist how to make ghost decorations using tissue paper, a marker and some fishing line? Let's set ourselves up for success here! We can't let Food Network corner the market on all of this.

"WHAT'S THIS?"

Jack is obviously intrigued by the door to Christmas Town. But I don't know why! Bites, bites, bites! Get a bite from him along the lines of "Wow, this door is very pretty. I've never seen colors like this before.  I wonder where this goes." The more we explicate, the more the audience stays put!

Add a lower third that says "Christmas Town" when Jack arrives there. We can't risk any confusion. 

Christmas Town is quaint and cute; it reminds me of what I imagine the Midwest looks like! Jack's enthusiasm is infectious, but after a couple minutes of him saying "What's this", we better get to an explanation pretty quickly.  We can leave the audience in suspense over a commercial break, just not in a scene. 

Per legal, please add a disclaimer saying we do not advocate drugging someone's food to escape capture, even if you're being help captive by an Evil Scientist. After that Gordon Ramsay debacle, we can't afford another lawsuit.

JACK RETURNS

Do a chyron pass on the monsters in the town meeting. I'm having trouble telling all the ghouls apart. 

Jack is being very obvious explaining the different Christmas items to the Halloween townspeople. He's over-explaining, actually.  This is great.  No notes on this.

Per legal, please add a disclaimer that people should not jump out of a five-story tower to escape an evil scientist, even if they are made of straw and leaves. This isn't American Ninja Warrior.

JACK'S OBSESSION

Let's get a big intro package for Lock, Shock and Barrel. Let's get into their backstory and put in some snazzy b-roll.  As our resident villains, they should be totally eye-catching.  Like Kenya from Real Housewives of Atlanta, but not as scary. 

The montage of the townsfolk making their Christmas presents is decently cut but it needs another pass.  First, let's change up the music.  It's been minor key orchestral for so long. How about a different lyric track? A "Despacito" sound-alike would work wonders here. Let's discuss.  Also, after each present is made, add a cymbal scrape.  That way the audience will know to look up from their phones and pay attention!

SANDY CLAWS GETS KIDNAPPED

Once we arrive in Christmas Town, let's again add a "Christmas Town" lower third. Then, once we get into Santa's house, add a "Santa Claus - Jolly Old Elf" chyron.  Don't assume that all of our viewers know who he is. What if they just switched over to the show at this point? How will they know what the story is? We can't let people get lost now!

Per legal, please add a disclaimer saying that no one should kidnap the patron saint of the biggest holiday of the year. (The only one who's qualified for that is Wall Street)

When Santa falls into Oogie Boogie's lair, let's give Oogie a big intro package. He's the Big Bad in here. Think of Camilla from The Challenge or Omarosa from The Apprentice, just not as scary. 

JACK TRIES TO DO CHRISTMAS

As Jack is dropping off presents, let's pepper in some bites from Jack about how happy he is to be finally fulfilling his dream of doing something different. We set it up song before; we have to follow through in bite now.  That's Storytelling 101!

Once Jack saves Santa Claus from Oogie Boogie, add a bite from Santa Claus about how relieved he is to be saved from certain death. (And if he can work in a mention to Target too, that would help with our production integration requirements for the quarter. Make it natural!)

Please turn around the cut with notes responses by 5pm EST. Thanks a bunch!

If THE SOUND OF MUSIC Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most beloved musicals of all-time.  If you do not wish to be spoiled, please climb every mountain you can to avoid one of the highest grossing films ever. 

THE SOUND OF MUSIC FINE CUT 4 NETWORK NOTES

Hello hello hello. Thanks for addressing our previous set of notes.  As per our conference call, we still have a long way to go before we have the show ready for air.  The biggest problem we have right now is focus.  What works for us at our network are sweet relatable shows about families with a lot of children.  But we've never had one where all the kids can sing together! What a hook! We need to focus on that and dump all of the nun stuff. (All of the stuff at the beginning with Maria at the convent really feel like a different show. Maybe cut and repurpose it for something else? The Real House Nuns of Salzburg does have a great ring to it. Or maybe SuperNunny? Let's discuss) Here we have seven adorable, camera-friendly children who can sing harmony without scaring off advertisers.  It's like 19 Kids and Counting without the David Koresh cult vibe.  There's gold to be had here; all we have to do is mine for it!

Also the storytelling is just not strong enough.  Whoever edited this should consider a career in hotel/motel management. Story is key! We are severely lacking in bites and b-roll transitions; a chyron pass is absolutely needed. (Can you tell the difference between Gretl and Marta on sight? Yeah, me neither.) You guys are making a lot of assumptions about what our audience knows. We need to make sure that this is as streamlined and easy-to-consume as possible. The less taxing the show is for the audience, the higher our ratings!  Once these are addressed, we can send time coded notes.  Won't happen until then. 

PS. Are we married to this title? It's too generic.  Let's go with "Von Trapped." It's fun and based on the focus group we did in suburban Annapolis, it'll go over very well.

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE

While we all appreciate all of the drone footage of the Austrian mountainside, we have a whole scene with Maria and no one else. What does this have to do with 7 brothers and singers who can harmonize? Every scene has to have TENSION AND STAKES AT ALL TIMES. What are the stakes of a woman with poor fashion sense twirling around in the grass? Guys, if we aren't aiming high in every scene, then the audience will lose interest and go back to YouTube. We need a stronger start; keep the b-roll, cut to Maria's arrival at the Von Trapp household with an intro bite like "My name is Maria. I'm a nun here in Salzburg, Austria and I've come to be the new governess for Captain Von Trapp and his children. I'm nervous that I won't do a good job. Hopefully I won't be fired." (Please get this verbatim)

THE CONVENT

For proper context, we really need a strong bite that sets up World War II.  You can't assume that the audience will know what that is.  

As previously mentioned, this whole section can be removed.  We have 6 nuns we've never met (without a lower third on any of them) talking about a woman who all we saw doing was just spinning on a mountain.  "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" Make it a snap-in. 

MARIA ARRIVES AT THE VON TRAPP HOUSEHOLD

When the Captain catches Maria dancing in the closed-down ballroom, she seems startled and then walks out. I say "seems startled" because there isn't a bite there telling me how she feels! Guys, this is just so sloppy.  Come on. Let's get a bite in there about how she felt about being caught, a bite from her beforehand to explain why she would go into the closed ballroom to begin with, an intro bite from the Captain so we know who he is, and a bite from Maria saying how intimidating the Captain is.  And make sure this all flows and doesn't seem too bite-heavy. 

The Captain says that Maria is the 12th governess they've had.  Do we have footage of the other governesses? A montage of the former governesses trying to deal with the children could be fun and unusual way for us to meet the kids and set up the stakes. Let's think outside of the box, people!

When the Captain makes the children introduce themselves, this is a fantastic opportunity for a big juicy intro package. As each child steps forward, throw in some bio bites for each one so the audience can easily differentiate one from the other.  The faster the audience can do this, the faster we can start having great hashtags all over social media.  There are a lot of shows with litters of kids; we need to do what we can to stand out! Let's set their characters like this:

LIESL - The Flirt

FRIEDRICH - The Know-It-All

LOUISA - The Sarcastic One

KURT - The Goody Two-Shoes

BRIGITTA - The Bookworm

MARTA - The Cute One

GRETL - The Sweet One

Make sure that all bites and sound-ups from the kids reflect these singular character traits AT ALL TIMES. If we show some different personality quirks, the audience will easily be confused. We only have 42 minutes to convey each story; let's make every second count!

When Maria says that she's never been a governess before, let's get a couple of bites in from the kids saying how they can't wait to try to test their new governess.  That way we know that they are fun and mischievous (in a relatable, family-friendly way, of course). As Maria produces the frog from her pocket, add in a cymbal scrape then a wood block.  That way the audience will know that this is funny! 

THE GAZEBO

We have a nice scene between Liesl and Rolf with the dancing and the kissing, but since I don't have any context for it, I'm just so confused! It's really obvious, guys. Let's get a fun flirty bite from Liesl about how much she likes Rolf, how long they've known each other and why she likes him so. Oh, and let's make sure we do a proper background check on everyone Liesl may date.  Otherwise it's Josh Dugger all over again.

THE RAINSTORM

As Maria is singing about her favorite things, let's do a montage of images to go along with what she says.  We can't assume that the audience knows what she's talking about. Just because we know what brown paper packages tied up with strings are, the audience may not.  The more we spell things out, the stronger our storytelling is!

THE VON TRAPPS GO AROUND SALZBURG

As the kids are learning how to sing, let's get bites from all of them as the scene progresses.  Are some of them nervous before they start singing? Are they worried about what their father will think? We need some stakes and conflict there. Do Re Mi doesn't really denote tension.  Let's maximize our footage the best way possible!

THE CAPTAIN RETURNS WITH MAX AND THE BARONESS

Again, again, again: BITES BITES BITES! We need bites to establish both Max and the Baroness.  Does she look forward to marrying the Captain?  Is the Captain looking forward to spending more time with Baroness? Why does Max need to find another music group to manage? These are obvious questions and you guys totally dropped the ball here. Get these bites in here pronto and this dull driving scene will sing!

Speaking of singing, the first time we hear the kids sing is when they are way, WAY off camera as the Captain is arguing with Maria.  How is this good producing? Again, this is the problem we're having. Currently, the focus is on Maria; it needs to be on the children! Let's start with the kids singing for the Baroness ON CAMERA.  And that's where the focus needs to be! Get some bites from the Baroness about the singing kids, from the Captain about why he's so touched by the kids singing and how he's sorry for his behavior towards Maria. Our rule of thumb is: when it doubt, Bite it out!

THE LONELY GOAT HERD

Is there another take without the creepy puppets? If not, we may need to issue a trigger warning. 

MARIA RETURNS TO THE ABBEY

Wait, why is Maria going to the convent? Oh right, she used to live there. I completely forgot! Let's throw in a flashback of her living there so we can set this up right. We don't want the audience to be confused!

Per legal, make sure the Mother Superior says "What is it you [BLEEP] face?"

THE WEDDING

Maria's and the Captain's wedding is beautiful and lush, but I can't help but think about those fun kids.  Are there any unused scenes where the kids make mischief all over the house? Any funny turns of phrase from Gretl or Marta?  Any scenes with the boys goofing around?  Let's comb through our footage and construct some extra scenes where the kids are front and center.  Our audience wants to see a large gaggle of children wreaking adorable chaos. Let's give them what they want!

THE SINGING CONTEST

Are there any other takes of the concert without the Third Reich? Despite what our former market research told us, recent polling shows that our audience is actually turned off by Nazi groups. (We were surprised too).  Let's recut the contest, show the Von Trapp's winning and then end on a big bite from the kids about their nascent musical careers.  Cut out the escape into Switzerland and the family fighting for their lives; it's just too depressing and it's completely off-brand for our network.  That may work on A&E, but not here!

Please finish these notes and send the cut with notes responses by 4:30pm EST today.  Thanks a bunch!

If ALL ABOUT EVE Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

[NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most acclaimed and funniest American films of all times. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please stop now and get a smart friend or family member to show you this amazing movie that has still tied the record with Titanic for receiving the most Academy Award nominations in history.  Got it? Good.]

ALL ABOUT EVE ROUGH CUT 2 NETWORK NOTES

Hello and thanks to you and your team for addressing our previous round of notes so quickly! We should really reward you guys soon. How do you feel about a Papa John pizza party? I'm pretty sure I can expense that.  

We have some pretty big problems with the cut as it stands.  A bite pass in ABSOLUTELY necessary.  The material is great and the characters absolutely sparkle.  They have some of the best dialogue and sound-ups we've ever had on this network. But it's not quite coalescing as well as it should.  So, we think we should think big and do a massive overhaul.  Think about this: we have a collection of fantastic, urbane, well-dressed women who give great one-liners.  And the theater setting is new for our network. Usually we see women throwing wine at each other on boats in relativiely-expensive ports of call.  But here, it's a whole new subculture we can explore and exploit (thoughtfully!). We should ditch our current concept for the show and do:  The Real Housewives of Broadway.  (We are currently testing this title along with The Real Housewives of New Haven and Below Deck: Back Stage.)  I have some ideas for how we can recut some of the scenes, restructure the show and re-focus the characters. Let's be bold and do some big remodeling!  I've also included some proposed tag lines for each of the new "housewives" that myself and my 24-year-old intern came up with.  He's never worked on a TV show before, so I put a lot of stock into his instincts. (Fresh eyes!) Once we've redesigned the show, I'll send time-coded notes.  

BACKSTAGE DURING THE RUN OF "AGED IN WOOD"

Wait, we're starting with an award ceremony before we learn who these people are? Guys, we can't do this. The audience will be lost in the first minute and they'll switch over to "Designated Survivor" (which will be my nickname at this network if we don't turn this show around).  Sure, the VO describing the people is informative but this is not the proper way we tell a story!  We should move this award ceremony to later on in the episode so we can properly build to this!  Start the action on Karen going to the theater on Broadway.  And again as previously requested, we need an intro package for her. 

KAREN. Tag line: "I've never been on a stage but I know drama when I see it!" Karen can be rather milquetoast and quiet.  Let's really really exploit that.  In order for the bigger personalities to pop, they need fodder to roll over.  Let Karen be that fodder. (We can let her have her due in the reunion show.) 

Once Karen meets Eve waiting outside, we can meet Eve.  

EVE. Tag line: "All of the world is a stage. And I feel like I'm stuck in orbit!"  And here let's put together Eve's intro package about her life in Wisconsin.  Her negative comments about working at a brewery could be problematic in reruns on our sister networks.  Let's rethink how we introduce Eve to our audience. We need to get the audience on her side without alienating Anheiser-Busch.  

MARGOT. Tag line: "Trust me, I don't have to pull focus from you, darling.  It was on me the whole time."  Margot is the grand dame of Broadway. She should be dramatic, vain, smart and neurotic.  This combination is perfect for our target demographic.  Don't lean on her being too neurotic, however.  A fully three-dimensional female can scare off advertisers.  Think Lisa Vanderpump crossed with a tame snow leopard.  

Eve's monologue about the death of her husband is great but I think we can punch it up more.  A well-time cymbal scrape solves a lot of problems!

EVE BECOMES MARGOT'S ASSISTANT

The use of VO is becoming problematic.  If the audience is hearing our casts' voices without cutting to an interview, they'll get confused and think that Margot is narrating this from beyond the grave.  Let's add a series of pick up bites so we can cut to seeing our great cast in the chair.  (NOTE: The budget for pickups has been reduced, so please make sure we are using the finest green screens that third-tier cable can supply.)

Birdie is a great character; her one-liners and retorts are fantastic.  (And her observation that Eve is studying Margot like a play is a great touch! I don't remember that in the outline; kudos to the field producer for putting that in). After the first season, let's test out a possible backdoor pilot with her.  Birdie Flies The Nest? Let's put our thinking caps on and work this out!

COCKTAIL PARTY FROM HELL

The scene starts off very well with Margot's age obsession and jealousy over Eve. However, I completely forgot about how Margot is feeling! Add a flashback here to the previous scene so the audience can follow along.  Sure, Margot and Bill are discussing it quite well in-scene, but a flashback will be that extra special touch that just screams People's Choice Awards, don't you think?

When Margot tells Eve "Remind me to tell you about the time I looked into the heart of an artichoke", let's add a fun lower third giving a couple fun facts about that misunderstood vegetable.  If we can give our audience some drama AND some information, then we are truly excelling at our jobs!

Margot's "Fasten your seatbelt; it's going to be a bumpy night" is a great sound-up! Our promo department is already going to put it into every commercial.  In order to sell it in scene, let's punch up the sound design around it.  A drumroll to the line and then a big sting afterwards will really drive it home!

When Addison brings in Miss Caswell, it's a great time to do on intro package on her.  We definitely could use a dim bulb and Miss Caswell's light is pretty dim.  And she's gorgeous. Miss Caswell. Tag line: "I'm happy to be here. I'm just not sure where here is!"

Boy, Margot is drinking a lot in this scene.  Let's add three to four scenes of the other women in different combinations talking about Margot's drinking where it can culminate in a confrontation/intervention where they can partially resolve it and leave the remainder to be discussed at the reunion.  That way, this issue can be dealt with responsibly!

EVE BECOMES MARGOT'S UNDERSTUDY

Another scene with a lot of great drama that is completely dry.  In order to punctuate the scene and hold the audience's interest, we need some music here! (Maybe a Drake soundalike?)  If we aren't telling everyone how to feel at all times, we aren't story telling!

MARGOT'S CAR BREAKS DOWN

In order to sell the immediacy of this scene, we need to add in stakes. It's storytelling 101; if our characters are not in peril, then the audience won't care.  Remember, we need TENSION and STAKES in every scene. So, let's milk this scene for what it's worth.  Add in a ticking clock showing how much time is being eaten up.  

Also, remove Addison's voice over.  He's not pivotal to our show. (See below)  Also, do we have footage of Eve going on for Margot in the play? We have Addison telling us Eve goes on for Margo but we don't have the visual. I know we don't have the rights to it and it would just be b-roll over some music, but the visual of Eve mouthing some words would be really helpful. Right now, I am just CONFUSED.

Eve's sudden turn from naive farm girl to back-stabbing villain comes a little too subtly.  Let's weave in some bites throughout the show to lay the groundwork for her turn.  Otherwise, the audience will be confused and a confused audience will not tweet.  

OPENING IN NEW HAVEN

Addison's confrontation with Eve in her hotel room is problematic on a few levels.  First of all, the revelation of Eve's background (her real name, that she's never been married, etc.) should not be done in this setting.  The best way to do this is at a big dinner where all of the women will be there and one of the women should come forward with all the juicy information.  That way, we can maximize the drama and luxury. (Really, a confrontation in a shabby hotel in New Haven? Not a good move, guys). Let's reshoot the scene and make sure the women are carefully produced.  Remember, it's reality!

Secondly, we love our LGBT supporting characters and Addison is one of them.  The rapier wit, the excellent shoes, the hipster-love of a cigarette holder -- he's great! However, we find it best that our gay characters on our network take a back seat to the straight women. Indeed, Addison has too much agency.  He's too strong, he's too smart for our purposes.  He should be more fun sidekick and less sharp player.  Think serving drinks on "Watch What Happens: Live", not as one of the guests.  

We have a lot of work ahead of us.  Please do this recut and get it back to us by end of the day tomorrow.  Thanks for all your hard work!

If RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most beloved action films of all time.  If you don't want to be spoiled, please stop now. If reading network notes make you jittery, please have a martini. 

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INDIANA JONES 101 "Raiders of the Lost Ark" FC1 NETWORK NOTES

Hello, team!  Great job turning our notes around so quickly.  While we are definitely making progress, the ship hasn't been completely righted just yet.  We really need to bear down and focus on our strengths.  Right now, Dr. Jones is not as compelling as he should be. He has a history with Marion, but it isn't fully explained. If we cannot be explicit about their relationship, how can our audience fall in love with them and tweet about them incessantly? Remember, if we tell the audience everything, they'll be on our side! A bite pass is absolutely necessary. Also, the audience needs more take-away information from all of these places Indiana is visiting.  Right now, all we know of Nepal is one dive bar that gets destroyed; is there anything else to his mountainous country that our unsophisticated demographic could easily digest?  (In Episode 102, we at least learn that some people in India eat monkey brains.)  Let's wring out as much drama and information for our audience to enjoy.  Once this happens, then we can give time-coded notes.  

SOUTH AMERICA

While the location looks beautiful, we have a long section where we don't even see Indiana Jones' face, much less hear from him at all.  When the flunky tries to shoot Dr. Jones and gets unarmed by Indy's whip, this is a great opportunity for a great big intro package.  Let's kick it off with a bite like "Hi, I'm Dr. Indiana Jones. You can call me Indy.  I'm a college professor and a lover of antiquities.  I'm currently in South America looking for my next big discovery."  Let's cover this with home movies, photos of him as a child, etc.  If we don't completely spell out who are main character is in the first 30 seconds of air, the audience will feel confused and worried.  That could lead them to change the channel and that is NOT what we want!

Why does Indy fill a bag with sand?  He doesn't explain this; add a bite please. 

Wow, so many booby traps in this tomb! I feel like I'm watching Wipe Out (but better)! Why are there so many booby traps here? This would be a great opportunity for a lower third infographic about how many ancient tribes loved trying to kill people who tried to steal their treasure.  We need to inform the audience without overwhelming them with information.  We can't get too brainy; that's what PBS is for!

Oh, THAT'S why he filled up the bag with sand. I completely forgot! Let's add a flashback of Indy filling up the bag. Constantly reminding the audience what is happening is what we do best as storytellers!

Who's Belloq? Why is he stealing the idol from Indy?  Again, we need another intro bite about him. If this is our big villain, let's set up with with a big bite so the audience knows who to hate.  Even though it's extremely obvious that Belloq is not a good person, we can't assume that the audience will pick this up.  Add a bite and it will help immensely.  

COLLEGE

Please make sure that the girl who wrote "LOVE YOU" on her eyelids has signed a release.   

Great scene with Indiana and Marcus explaining the Ark of the Covenant to the federal agents.  We need more scenes like this where the story exposition is done seamlessly with sound ups.  (I reserve the right to maybe add a couple of bites to further explain things, but let's hold off for right now.)

NEPAL

Love the graphic of the red line flying on the map to all these foreign locations.  But why is Indy flying to Nepal if the ark is in Egypt?  I'm so confused.  I did a quick Google search: turns out Nepal is nowhere NEAR Egypt?  Why is Indy going there? We need a bite from Indy here, pronto!

Marion has a fun introduction but again, bites bites bites! We need an intro bite from her; why is she in Nepal? How long has she owned the bar? With all of those shots she's downed, does she consider herself a functioning alcoholic?  I have a lots of questions and as of right now, there are no bites to answer them.  Sloppy, guys; really sloppy.  

Need an intro bite for the creepy German guy.  Do we need so many close-ups of him?  To say he's not camera ready is an understatement.  

EGYPT

Besides the monkey, we aren't really getting a lot of local color during Indy's stay in Cairo. Outside of poisonous dates, does Indy enjoy any of the local food?  Besides Marion possibly being killed while by the shops, is there any fun shopping? Here we are spending a good chunk of our budget going to these exotic locales and we aren't giving the audience any great takeaway information.  Let's throw in a bunch of info graphics so the audience can feel like Anthony Bourdain for once.  

Why is Indy afraid of snakes? Again, a bite from him would work wonders.  

Can we change up the music here? It's been one orchestral music cue after another.  Let's vary it up with some hip hop or ska.  Let's think outside the box here, guys. 

Once Sallah and Indy get the ark, let's throw in a Sallah bite about what this means to him.  If we aren't constantly resetting the stakes with the audience, they won't realize how important all of this is.  

CHASE AFTER THE ARK THROUGH THE DESERT

Indy's pursuit of the Ark through the desert is very well shot and edited. However, it definitely needs more context.  At the beginning of the chase, throw in a flashback of Marcus explaining how the Ark can level mountains and armies.  Then put in a bite from Indy along the lines of "I have to get the Ark back from the Nazis. If they bring it to Hitler in Berlin, there could be no stopping him and he could take over the world!" Sure, that could totally be inferred from the proceedings, but let's not take that risk.  

Please add a cymbal scrape every time a Nazi gets flung off of a truck during the chase.  This will add to the drama!

Add a relieved bite from Indy once he's taken the Ark into his possession.  How can we know if he's happy to finally have the ark if he doesn't tell us?

GREEK ISLAND

Per legal, please put up a disclaimer that we do NOT recommend opening up a powerful mystical relic without supervision.

Do we have any night vision footage of the ghosts emerging from the Ark?  We can't have the full ghost hunter experience without it.  

EPILOGUE

With the Ark and other items that Indy has collected over the years, we feel that we are missing out on a great spinoff opportunity.  How about "MYSTICAL ANTIQUITY ROADSHOW".  If PBS can be nominated for Emmys, so can we!  Write up an outline and send it over to us.  

Please address these notes by noon tomorrow.  Thanks!

If BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for Disney's BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. If your nose is going to get bent out of shape regarding spoilers from a movie that came out in 1991, please up your dosage. 

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST RC2 NETWORK NOTES

Hello! Thanks for addressing the notes from Rough Cut I. We do appreciate your team turning those notes around so quickly.  Unfortunately, as it now sits, we feel we do have a long way to go in before we can really truly lock this episode. Timecoded notes will have to wait; we are in emergency mode.  Right now, Belle is coming across as too scholastic and the Beast has too much camera time.  Can we recut this so Belle and Gaston end up together? (Just an idea) There is also a lot of potential right now amongst the Beast's staff; let's flesh that out a bunch (please see below). Also, where is the bite pass we requested? Guys, we need to really be up front with our viewers about the characters' feelings and intentions. Let's get into the heads of every human, creature, and talking armoire in our cast! Every scene has to have TENSION AND STAKES; right now, we are way off the mark. Detailed notes are below. 

PROLOGUE

Is this scratch VO explaining the Prince's background? The guy sounds really old; is this one of the editors? Let's re-record with someone younger with more energy.  Right now, we do feel this is a great set up for the story.  Let's maximize our screen time by grabbing the viewers right from the start.  Maybe a Zach Ephron-type? Let's discuss. 

BELLE IN THE VILLAGE

I've never been fond of casting Belle; too bookish. (We should have gone more Megan Fox than Amy Adams, but I was overruled). Our research shows that our audience likes seeing women WITH books over actually LOVING books; the latter makes our target demographic feel dumb and unproductive.  And who wants that?  Let's do an opening montage of Belle walking through her hometown where she explains who she is, where she lives and her interests (THEN show her reading a book for maybe 3 seconds).  This whole section can be trimmed down. 

Gaston has a great entrance. He is testing very well and we are big fans of his over here, so let's set him up for success, shall we? Add in some very empathetic bites from him and La Fou about how much he's loved in town.  That way, he can be great foil for Belle and not be so douchey. (Though a bit of douchiness is good; the affluencers in our demographic thoroughly enjoy tweeting about a lovable bad boy!) Recut Belle's and Gaston's confrontation where we tone him down some.  You guys, we need to protect our cast from themselves. 

BELLE'S FATHER AT THE BEAST'S MANSION

Belle's father Maurice is going to a fair because he's an inventor? I know Belle explained this to Gaston in the previous scene but I totally forgot about it! Let's put in a flashback here to drive this home.  How important is the fair? How often does this happen? Why is Belle not going with her father? So many loose ends here, guys; sloppy, sloppy, SLOPPY! Let's do a serious bite pass on this scene so we can set ourselves up for success.  

When Belle's father actually gets the Beast's house, let's cut this scene way down.  Frankly, the Beast is just too ugly. We want TV Ugly, not ugly-ugly. Are there better shots of him? Why is he so hairy? (Again, overruled in casting). My heart aches at all the cost overruns we're going to have in Color Correction to make him on brand with our network, but oh well. 

GASTON PROPOSES TO BELLE

Wait, Gaston is proposing already? Aww, that's so sweet! But this comes out of nowhere! Let's add a pickup scene where he goes to buy the ring.  (Maybe Harry Winston? Some of your producers have connections there from previous seasons of The Bachelor, yes?) 

Belle explains in song why she said no to Gaston after she kicks him out? NO NO NO. We need to hear from her BEFORE she kicks him out! Let's get some Belle bites in there now; if she isn't telling us how she's feeling at every second, how can we root for her? 

BELLE ARRIVES AT BEAST'S MANSION

After conferring with other people here at the network, I really think that the strongest elements in the show are the Beast's staff.  A talking clock? A teapot with a British accent? A French candlestick having an affair with a feather duster? And a boss that looks like Rob Kardashian crossed with a wildebeest? Now THIS is the sexy, urbane show that we ordered!  This has so much comedic and romantic potential.  Comb through your footage and see what we can do to really get the best material we can. Maybe it's a backdoor pilot! We think this could be a great workplace show; think Vanderpump Rules with a less frightening boss. Or a more believable Jerseylicious.  

Belle agrees to stay at the castle instead of her father, but she doesn't tell us why.  I guess it's to get her father out of that cell so he can be free, but if she doesn't tells us this word for word, then how am I to know? HOW AM I TO KNOW? Get a bite in here where she explains this. 

GASTON DRINKS AT THE BAR 

La Fou and Gaston having some bro time is great, but we are missing some opportunities here. La Fou sings this whole song about Gaston's features but does he like-like Gaston? If we can possibly play up that La Fou is gay, this could help get GLAAD off our backs.  Please double check your footage. 

If Gaston is really covered in hair and uses antlers in all of his decorating, then we are really missing a Lumbersexual angle with him that we should really exploit. Let's do some pick up interviews where he's styled like Mumford or one of his Sons. 

BELLE IN THE CASTLE

The Beast does has a great scene with Lumiere & Mrs. Potts about the importance of witch's curse and wilting rose, but this really could be explored a lot more.  When Belle first arrives at the castle looking for her father, let's put in a couple bites to really drive this home. The more often we reiterate a story point, the stronger the story we tell!

BEAST SCARES BELLE 

The Beast scares Belle causing her to run off and then he rescues her from a pack of wolves in the woods. Why haven't we seen these wolves before? Are they there often? Let's set up the wolves in a previous scene so we can really maximize the drama. Also, again here's my mantra: BITES BITES BITES! If the Beast didn't like Belle being in the West Wing of his castle, why is he rescuing her? It's not realistic that a Beast would change its emotions like that so quickly.  Let's get into his head and figure out why the sudden change of heart. 

THE FLIRTING

I can sort of see how the romance is starting to blossom between Beast and Belle but let's drive this home. While they are outside flirting, make the following changes to the audio design:

* When Belle smiles at the Beast as he's feeding the birds, add a cymbal scrape.

* When the Beast looks at Belle as she's walking to the tree, add a cymbal scrape.

* When Belle laughs at the Beast when she sees all of the birds resting on him, add a woodblock sound THEN  a cymbal scrape.  

Let's be creative with the audio design to really tell the audience how they should feel at all times! 

BELLE AND BEAST DANCE

This is the best the Beast has ever looked and Belle finally looks like good. But all we hear during this scene is Mrs. Potts singing. Can we add a bite from the Beast in here, saying how he feels for her. Maybe a funny bite from Cogsworth? Take a look.  

GASTON RALLIES THE TROOPS/INVADES CASTLE

Gaston is really saying "Kill the Beast?" Is there a take where he says "I want to call the Beast out" instead? Per legal, we really can't advocate murder. Maybe cheat in some audio? 

The Beast's staff does a great job fending off the marauding horde. Do they have experience with this? Some additional bites here would really work wonders.  

Is there another take where Gaston learns his lesson and doesn't plummet to his death? We'd like to keep our options open with him (maybe a dating show? On The Hunt With Gaston has a great ring to it).

Belle's confession of love is all nice and good but it could stand more of a setup. Maybe an additional bite about her feelings? Let's play around it it.

Thanks again for attacking these in a timely manner. Please have these tomorrow by 1pm. I look forward to your notes responses as well!

If THE WIZARD OF OZ Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for THE WIZARD OF OZ. If you are worried about being spoiled by one of the most popular films in history, then God help you. 

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THE WIZARD OF OZ FC1 NOTES

Hello! Thanks for turning around the previous cut to us so quickly.  We really appreciate the time and effort your team has put into the previous cuts but unfortunately, we are VERY disappointed with the state of the show thus far.  While we understand that sometimes we veer off of the approved outline during production, the cut as it stands is just too different to us to approve.  We'd like another Fine Cut before lock.  A lot of changes need to take place before we're done, so we are unable to give time coded notes at this time.  As it stands right now, the Oz sections are way stronger than the Kansas sections, so we should really focus on our strengths and minimize our weaknesses.  Oz is a very interesting place but we really don't know anything about it.  The audience is craving takeaway info about new places so let's give it to them.  Any fun restaurants in Oz? Shopping? Exciting local customs and fashions? Think less "Lord of the Rings" and more Anthony Bourdain. We also want to do a restructuring as well (see below).  The characters also need more definition and a bite pass is absolutely necessary.  

Please double check to make sure all the songs being used are cleared.  

DOROTHY IN KANSAS

Is there something wrong with the output? This section is in a weird sepia tone black & white, not color.  Our research shows that younger viewers will only accept black and white footage in a Beyonce video.  Please fix this in Color Correction. 

We first see Dorothy and Toto running along a street talking about a mean Mrs. Gulch.  Who is Mrs. Gulch? Where are we? You and I know that she's in Kansas but we cannot assume that the audience does.  Please build out an opening montage showing us Kansas and add a chyron that says "Kansas."  If we tell our audience explicitly what's happening right from the jump, they will be with us the entire time.  

Dorothy is an appealing character; she's sweet and likable in a flyover state sort of way.  But her intentions are a bit muddled.  Please put in a bite along the lines of "I live with my aunt & uncle on a farm in Kansas and my dog Toto is my best friend; Toto bit a mean neighbor, Mrs. Gulch."  In her own words, of course. 

Dorothy does a nice job on "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", but the action has completely stopped at this point and I am BORED.  She wants to go someplace else but this sentiment has absolutely no set up! Guys, this is really, REALLY sloppy.  How can I root for her if she doesn't tell us exactly how she's feeling at all times? Please add a sound up of her saying something like this to Toto.  

I really think we can cut down the rest of this section.  Let's go from the song, to a bit with Mrs. Gulch threatening to take Toto away, to the tornado. (The scene with Professor Marvel can be a web extra) Everything else is really slow and bogging down the action.  Also outside of Dorothy, neither her aunt & uncle nor the agricultural workers are really camera ready.  Are there any attractive farm hands around? We really don't want to alienate our audience so early into the proceedings.  

ARRIVING IN OZ

Wow, Munchkinland looks amazing! So bright and colorful. I really want to go there! Is there a less violent take of Dorothy arriving in Oz? We don't want our audience to think that they have to kill a green woman in order to visit this fun place. 

The denizens of Munchkinland are very interesting.  Considering the current appeal of little people shows, we think there is a lot of potential here. Any more scene work with Dorothy and the Lollipop Guild? This could be a potential backdoor pilot of "Little Women: Lullaby League."  Please double check your footage and let us know.  

Dorothy spends so little time in Munchinkinland. Does she do anything else while there? Any fancy hotels? 

The Wicked Witch of the West makes a great entrance, but this is BEGGING for a bio bite from her. How close was she to her sister? Why are the shoes so important? What does the Mayor of Munchkinland think of her? Let's think outside of the box here and really build her up. She's very important to the rest of the episode so she needs as much set up as possible. 

YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Let's put in a bite from Glinda about how important the Yellow Brick Road is to Oz. Right now it just seems like a pretty pedestrian path and not a main thoroughfare. 

General note: do a graphics pass and show Dorothy's progress through Oz.  How can I root for her to get to the Emerald City if I don't know how far she has to travel?

SCARECROW, TIN MAN, COWARDLY LION

This is a big note for all three of these characters. They all have potential but the current scene work with them is cheap and lackluster.  The Scarecrow wants a brain but comes up with great ideas; the Tin Man has no heart but he's crying all the time.  Guys, we CAN'T be this sloppy. We are better than this. Remember, in our style guide, characters are defined by ONE personality trait that NEVER CHANGES.  We should to the following:

SCARECROW -- wants a brain -- therefore must be dumb and say stupid things.

TIN MAN -- wants a heart -- must be cold and unfeeling.

COWARDLY LION -- wants courage -- must be afraid at all times. 

WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST -- mean, wicked -- angry, vengeful, obsessed with shoes

The scene work with the Lion is the most consistent but for the other two, this is just amateur hour.  All the their introduction scenes will need to be recut along these lines. Remember, the audience is counting on us to give them the best story possible!

EMERALD CITY

Let's put a disclaimer at the top warning about the dangers of drug abuse. Either that or we cut the poppies.  

The montage of Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion's spa day in the Emerald City finally has some of the sexy, glamorous footage that we've been craving.  The haircuts, the buffing; this is great. Let's show them doing more in the Emerald City. Any other sights to see? Any great shopping? Can we add a pick up scene of them getting some essentials from Target? We have a great relationship with them and this product integration would really help with the budget. 

Please cut the Lion's "If I Were The King of the Forest".  We think it would be better as a podbuster. 

SEEING THE WIZARD

The Wizard seems intimidating but no one is saying he IS intimidating.  Any bites about the scary wizard? Maybe from the Tin Man? (A bite from the Cowardly Lion is just too on the nose at this point.)

DOROTHY'S CAPTURE BY THE WITCH

While we really do feel for Dorothy as she's watching footage of Auntie Em missing her, we do think that a montage of unseen footage of Dorothy spending quality time with her aunt would really drive that emotion home. Maybe to a Sarah McLachlan soundalike lyric cue? Just thinking out loud here. 

The Scarecrow comes up with idea for infiltrating the Witch's castle? EXCUSE ME, he doesn't have a brain! This is what I'm talking about! Is there another take where the Tin Man comes up with it? If we're stuck with this, please add a bite from the Tin Man along the lines of "For a guy without a brain, I'm surprised the Scarecrow came up with this idea. Maybe he's smarter than he thinks!" This will then give context for the end. Right now, this is just too incongruous to really work. 

Dorothy's rescue works really well, but the Witch's death by water comes completely out of nowhere. It's just too jarring.  Any scene work with her hating water in the Munchkinland section? 

RESTRUCTURING

Ending the entire episode on "it was all a dream" really kills the travelogue strengths of the show.  Since Oz is way more appealing than Kansas (what isn't?), we'd like to kill the epilogue completely. End the episode with Dorothy saying "There's no place like home", and then add a montage of her arriving in Kansas.  We need to keep the episode as sexy as possible; ending it on a dreary farm in the middle of nowhere goes against our network brand. Also, a closing wrap up bite from Dorothy would really help put a button on the proceedings.

We look forward to the changes; please get these to us by noon tomorrow. Thanks!

If STAR WARS Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for STAR WARS. If you are concerned about being spoiled about one of the most popular movies ever made that's been out for 38 years, please get a hobby.

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STAR WARS 104 "A NEW HOPE" FINE CUT 1 NOTES

Hello! Thanks to you and your team for addressing the last round of notes.  As you well know, we here at the network are big fans for Episodes 1-3. They really have the characterization, in-scene sound ups and humor we feel are best for the show.  With that being said, we have to say that 104 is by far our least favorite episode thus far.  Tonally it is so different from the first three we cannot give time coded notes right now.  There are too many general notes that need to be addressed first.  We really need to recapture the flow and tone of the previous episodes; otherwise, our research shows that our viewers will be too confused and wonder what show they are watching.  (A bite pass would work wonders.) Our general notes are below.  Please look them over and let us know what you think!

TITLE

The episode title right now is "A New Hope."  Are we married to that?  Keep in mind that more and more of our viewers are reading the episode descriptions either through their DVR or online.  We NEED a very catchy title to grab the viewers' interest, and right now "A New Hope" is just too vague.  (What does that mean exactly?) How about something like "Luke Rescues Princess Leia"? Or a play on words like "Death Star Becomes Her" or "Kenobi Or Not To Be"? (These are just suggestions; please come up with alternatives)

OPENING/DARTH VADER CAPTURES PRINCESS LEIA

The use of the opening title card really helps to establish the stakes and backstory that we desperately need.  That being said, do we have to go from the title card immediately to the attack on the blockade runner? Let's put in a opening montage first to set the scene; I would love to know which star quadrant they are in. 

I can really feel the tension when Darth Vader is looking around for the rebel plans, but I do feel this could be fleshed out a bit more.  Let's put in a bite from him along the lines of "I really need to get these rebel plans for my boss, Grand Moff Tarkin. It's very important to me and the Emperor that nothing interfere with the construction of the Death Star, which is now the most powerful weapon in the galaxy."  (In his own words, of course.  And avoid using frankenbites.)

The first time we see Princess Leia, she's putting something into the R2D2 robot.  This is a great opportunity to do an intro package with her; who she is, how long has she been serving in the Imperial Senate, and what exactly IS she putting into the droid?  I really like how feisty she is with Darth Vader.  Any bites from the stormtrooper about her sassiness? (Just curious)

C3P0 & R2D2 ARRIVE ON TATOOINE

Please add subtitles to all of the scenes with the droids and the Jawas.  Right now, I have no idea what the Jawas are saying.  In order to make sure every scene has TENSION AND STAKES, it is imperative to know what each person (or alien) is saying at all times.  Also, S&P wants to make sure that there aren't any Jawanese swear words being said.  If so, we'll need to bleep them.  

Luke has a great introduction but he's so whiney! Are there any other takes we can use?  Or maybe a funny bite from Uncle Owen about how childish Luke can be? Please review your interviews.  (Maybe a pick up?)

The introduction of Obi-Wan Kenobi works pretty well, but it could easily be upgraded with a flashback of his best moments from the three previous episodes.  Our audience could really use the reminder of who he is! Also, when Obi-Wan explains the Force to Luke, let's add a bite where he explains what the Force is and how it works.  (I really want to get #midichlorians trending, don't you?")

I know some time has elapsed from Episode 103 to 104, but are there any unused scenes with Jar Jar Binks that we can add?  He is a favorite over here at the network and his type of comedy would be a really great addition.  Let us know. 

MOS EISLEY

Please make sure that all creatures in the Cantina have signed a release.  

When the bartender tells C3PO that he doesn't serve their kind, that's a great opportunity to get a bite from him about how that feels.  Has he experienced such open droidaphobia before? (Side note: would he be available to do a PSA promo for us for Pride Month?)

We know that this has been a bone of contention for the past previous cuts, but we are going to have to insist that in the confrontation between Han Solo and Greedo that Han MUST NOT shoot first.  Otherwise, the audience will completely turn against him! While we understand your arguments for the alternative, we are putting our foot down about this.  Sorry. Also, if you can add a regretful bite from Han about shooting Greedo, we would really appreciate it. 

Side Note: Is it Chewie or Chuy? Please advise. The latter would really help us with our diversity goals for the year. 

GETTING PRINCESS LEIA OFF OF THE DEATH STAR

The plan to get Princess Leia out of cell block AA23 really could use a bite to further explain it. Maybe a fun graphic as well to help get the point across?  Give it a shot. Remember, guys, as storytellers, we need to tell the audience what exactly is going on at all times.  Otherwise, we are not doing our jobs.  

Please add an earlier pick up scene where Darth Vader explains the height requirements for soldiers on the Death Star.  Otherwise Leia's line "Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?" doesn't have context. 

We've been using a lot of orchestral music cues for a while. Let's try switching it up here. Maybe hip hop? Or a Taylor Swift sound-alike? Check your music libraries and let us know if there's a problem.  

ASSAULT OF THE DEATH STAR

When Han Solo leaves the rebels on Yavin, let's put in a bite from Princess Leia where she says while he's gotten on her nerves, she's really going to miss him and hopes he comes back.  This will help set up Han returning at the last second to shoot Darth Vader's ship.  Without this bite, Han's return isn't set up at all and comes out of nowhere.  Attention to detail is key.  We can't be sloppy.   

The actual attack on the Death Star while it's approaching the rebel base is really well done. Kudos to your editing and producing team on this one.  However, when Luke is flying through the trench to the exhaust port and hears Obi-Wan tell him to use the Force, we really need to add a bite where Luke saying how important is it for them to destroy the Death Star.  By hammering this home, the viewers will really be invested in what's going on!

The ceremony at the end is wonderful but it's just aching for a bite from someone to say how happy they are that they have defeated the Empire. If we don't hear them say it, how do we know it's true? We have to wrap this story up with a nice bow; right now, it's a bit messy.  Also, can we use a lyric track for the end? There isn't any dialogue right now so a great cue with some uplifting lyrics would really help sell it.  

Thanks for addressing this is a prompt manner.  Please let us know if you have any questions.  

If MY FAIR LADY Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for a 52-year-old classic musical.  If you don't wish to be spoiled, please go watch the film. Or see the stage musical.  Or read the original Shaw play. Or just get out of the house for a damn minute.  

MY FAIR LADY - NETWORK ROUGH CUT 3 NOTES

A good hello to you and your team.  Thanks for attacking our notes with such vigor.  While we are definitely getting closer to where we need to be, we are nowhere near where we should be.   But the cut as it stands is way too long and we seem to be losing focus. Remember, this is a makeover show. If we’re going to show Eliza in a gown at the ball at the end, let’s do a side-by-side of how she looked as a flower girl. If we can’t shame her by how she looked before, then we aren’t doing our jobs! Also, the entire section with her father should be removed.  (We have plans for that for a possible sizzle reel - see below)  

Eliza is great casting! She's likable and feisty in a relatable sort of way and we do want to root for her as she does through the process.  If people are watching Mama June go from Not To Hot, they'll watch Eliza go from Crass To Class.

One thing to keep in mind that Eliza wants and asks for this makeover; her complaints about the consequences for this experiment casts the show in a dark light.  In order to do allay this, let's do some big restructuring in the latter third.  Also, we desperately need a bite pass.  Where are the bites we requested? Once we emphasize the makeover aspect for the show, we then will feel comfortable giving time-coded notes.  Right now, we don't. 

COVENT GARDEN

Higgins has a great introduction guessing everyone's hometown based on their dialect. And the fact that he does it to song is quite impressive. But since this is lacking a juicy intro package, the audience will have no idea who he is and why he's there.  Get Higgins to say something like "Hello, my name is Professor Henry Higgins.  I'm the top phoneticist is all of England.  I can tell you exactly where you come from just based on you saying two sentences."  Get this exactly and put this over b-roll of him working with students.  If he's our expert, we need to have him say it and show it. Otherwise, our viewers will be lost!    

Since Eliza is the subject of our transformation, we also need to set her up as well. She also needs an intro package that clearly states why she wants to do this. Has she always wanted to work in a flower shop? Has she always dreamt of going to a fancy embassy ball? We have to always plainly state what our main characters want at all times -- that's storytelling!

Every time Eliza speaks, she really needs to be subtitled.  I know our audience really don't like to read but with this show, I'll take the risk. 

"Wouldn't It Be Loverly" is nice but it doesn't really move the action forward. Please make it a snap-in.

ELIZA'S OFFER

Eliza comes over to Higgins' house and makes him an offer for him to teach her proper elocution.  While she says this in scene, we definitely need for her to say it in bite as well. (We already gave this note once!) Our research shows that the bulk of our demographic watch this show as a second screen. They need to be able to follow what's happening while they are on Snapchat. If we don't, they'll  be confused and change the channel. And we can't have THAT.   

While we've already met Colonel Pickering at Covent Garden, let's go ahead and give him a big intro package here too. Have him say something like "I'm Colonel Pickering. I'm a master of Indian languages and dialects.  I recently left the military and I love to help people in need."  If he doesn't say it, how do I know he believes this? By merely watching his behavior in scene? That's just not enough!

Higgins agrees to take on Eliza as a client and says some bold things to her (having her sleep in the dustbin is one of my favorites). Does he say anything even more outrageous?  If we are going to drive Twitter traffic and ratings, we really need to exploit this. Think less Stacy on "What Not To Wear" and more Gordon Ramsey on "Kitchen Nightmares." (Maybe call the show "Dreadful Diction'? Let's discuss!) Add in some more highly egregious phrases.  Our female audience will eat up the insults and those will definitely add some power to the Supertease. 

"Let A Woman In Your Life" should be cut. If Higgins is gay, that's fine. We don't need a whole number about it. 

DOOLITTLE

Eliza's father has great presence on camera. His take on morality is very interesting and relevant to our current political situation.  Which is to say: this is a total snoozeville and not appropriate for our show. However, this lecture tour of America where he talks about income inequality sounds like a great idea for one of our sister networks that wins Emmys. It's like a TED talk that's actually interesting! Put together a sizzle reel with that footage and I'll see what I can do on my end. "Doolittle Says A Lot" has a great ring to it, don't you think?

"POOR PROFESSOR HIGGINS" & "THE RAIN IN SPAIN"

While overly long, this extended montage showing Eliza training is very clever in its use to music and editing to show a passage of time.  Kudos to your team for this; please cut it by 2/3's and add bites from all involved.  

"I Could Have Danced All Night" is lovely but Eliza's happiness with her progress would be better suited in some bites during the montage.  Let's make this number a web extra. 

ASCOT GAVOTTE

The legendary race track looks glorious, as do most of the people there. This really need some context. Perhaps a great info graphic on the history of the track would be some great take-home information for the audience.  That'll make them feel smart!

Please make sure that all of the horses on the race track have signed a release.  

When Eliza blurts out "Move your bloomin' ass!", this is lacking the impact that it desperately needs. Let's re-cut the build up to this.  Add in some more audio design and a few bites to help raise the stakes.  If this moment is not important to us, it won't be important to the audience! Stakes and bites, bites and stakes! That should be our mantra, people!

"On The Street Where You Live" is nice but a bit stalker-y. Make it a snap in. 

EMBASSY BALL

While it's obvious that Eliza, Henry and Pickering are nervous, again, some bites here would work wonders.  Have Eliza say something like "I really feel out of my element here and I know I could do a great job. I hope I don't mess up! That would be gravely embarrassing for myself, Henry and Colonel Pickering!" (Please get this verbatim) 

Let's play with the audio design during this scene.  Every time someone compliments Eliza, add a cymbal scrape.  Every time Zoltan the villainous language teacher gets stopped from talking to Eliza, add a cymbal bow.  We need to underline every moment possible.  Remember, subtlety is for scripted TV, not reality!

AFTER THE BALL

This whole romance between Eliza and Freddie is afterthought.  Let's just go from Eliza's success at the ball to a pick up scene where Eliza is set up in her own flower shop.  The whole section where she leaves and comes back to Higgins and the romance with Freddie... that's a whole other show.  Based on the ratings and how the audience responds to Eliza, we can maybe do another show tracking her romantic life.  As of right now, this just muddies the water and distracts us from what we bought in the first place: A makeover show taking a working class girl (and have fun at how rough she is) and making her a classy woman (without alienating our target audience). Got it?

Please turn these notes around by 5pm today with responses.  Thanks a bunch!