If THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most beloved animated films from 2017. If you don't wish to be spoiled, skip this by master-building a plane and flying out of here.

THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE ROUGH CUT 3 NOTES

Hello! Thank you so much for your swift turnaround on our last round of notes. We really do appreciate it here. While the show is getting more and more focused, we do feel that we have a long, long, long, LONG way to go before we are set.  The biggest problem we are having right now is clarity.  Is this Batman's story? The Joker's? Also, we desperately need a bite pass and a chyron pass. Without these, everyone's motivation seems muddled.  If Batman really wants to be left alone to do his thing, he needs to tell me this in a bite. if it doesn't exist in a bite, then I don't know what he wants.  And since there are no bites in this cut, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HIS MOTIVATION IS! Or anyone else! Once we get a bite pass, then we'll give time coded notes.

OPENING

So we open with some scary voiceover from Batman about how great shows start in black with scary music. Are we married to that? Starting with just VO and logos and our main person off camera is really just jarring.  Let's scrap all this and start with him back at Wayne Manor with a bite like "I'm Batman, aka Bruce Wayne. I've been fighting crime in Gotham City for a while now. I'm a big hero and everyone knows it!" Get this in his own words and verbatim.  

Per legal, Batman can't claim that he wrote the Man in the Mirror quote. (You know the Michael Jackson estate won't okay this). Has he done another take with his own quote? Something he can live tweet as we air? Double check our interviews and let us know!

JOKER'S PLANE HEIST

When the Joker scares the pilot by saying "always comes to work with a smile", this is just begging for a bite! Ugh, come on, guys! Put in a bite from the Joker like "I'm the Joker, one of the most feared and dangerous villains Gotham City has ever seen! Highjacking this plane full of explosives is one of the most diabolical plans I've ever concocted.  This will definitely impress my girlfriend Harley Quinn and my arch-nemises Batman, who never seems to give me the respect I deserve!" (Get this verbatim, please but also make sure it's organic and natural.)  

When the pilot says that Batman will always beat the Joker, please put in a flashback montage of the Batman beating the Joker. Otherwise, this line doesn't have any context.

POWER PLANT FIGHT

The Joker is listing a lot of villains helping him at the power plant. Please make sure to  lower third to each one so we can tell who is who. (You can't expect a single mom in Kansas City to tell Killer Croc and Calendar Man apart without a little bit of help) Oh, and great Heinz product placement with Condiment King. 

Whoa, Batman cross-dresses and pretends to be the Mayor?  Or is he in disguise AS the mayor so he can defeat the Joker? I bet it's the latter! Let's add a pickup scene of Batman saying he's going to dress up as the Mayor.  Otherwise, this comes in out of nowhere and the audience will be confused. (I was!)

Let's add a bite from the Joker saying how hurt he was that Batman doesn't think he's his greatest enemy.  Sure, I could infer from the pained look on his face that Batman really hurt his feeling but unless he says it in a bite, there's NO way anyone could ever know for sure. 

ORPHANAGE

Great shot including the sign "Orphanage" at the Orphanage. It's a great way of showing the audience where we are.  Please also add a lower third that says "Orphanage" as well, just in case if some members of the audience aren't sure. 

When Batman lands in front of the orphanage and Dick is watching from the sign, this is a great opportunity for a big intro package from our parent-less lad.  Have him say something like "I'm Dick Grayson. I was part of an acrobat circus group with my parents. They died during a performance one night and now I'm here at the Orphanage.  One day I hope to be adopted by someone who's really wealthy. I'm also a big fan of Batman. I hope to meet him one day and we can hopefully be friends!" (Have him say this in his own words).

Please make sure we have a materials release for all of the stuff coming out of the Bat Merch gun. 

BATMAN AT HOME

Thank you for the lower third on Wayne Manor Island.  Let's do that for the rest of the show so the audience knows exactly where they are at all times.  Now THAT'S storytelling!

Side note: do we have any extra footage of Batman and Alfred making some of Batman's vehicles? We smell a possible "Monster Garage"-esque spinoff here.  Double check your footage and let us know!

I don't think we have the rights to footage from "Jerry Maguire."Instead, use some public domain rom-com we can use instead, one that is easily recognized by our target demographic of suburban moms 35-48. That has to be something there, right? If not, let's make this a snap-in. 

Alfred is a great presence on this show but he's not getting the set up he deserves! Let's give him a big intro package with a bite like "I'm Alfred Pennyworth, and I've working for the Wayne family for over 40 years. I think of Master Bruce as like a surrogate son.  I'm hoping he'll embrace a new family, as that is his biggest fear." (Get this in his own words, please. That accent is catnip for our audience!)

Please add a trigger warning about snake clowns.  Otherwise we're angling for a lawsuit.

JIM GORDON'S RETIREMENT PARTY

I think Bruce is smitten by Barbara on her entrance to the party. He's completely distracted by it and inadvertently adopts Dick! That's funny.  I say "I think Bruce is smitten" because he doesn't actually say it. So, yet again, WE. NEED. A. BITE. Keep in mind that our audience is viewing this as a second screen so we need to SHOW what's happening and TELL the audience as well. If they can't follow along our story while looking up Lobster Thermador recipes on their iPads then we are not doing our job as ace storytellers.  Fix this. Now. 

I love the montage showing Barbara's accomplishments, especially at Harvard For School.  Please add an intro bite from her as well talking about how excited she is to be here and taking over for her father. If she doesn't say it, how are we to know? 

As Barbara is going through the crime stats of Gotham City, throw up some lower third infographics so the audience can get some take-home information.  They love hearing about crimes and murders. Let's get into some of that "Making A Murderer" magic and aim for the stars!

Wait, the Joker and all the villains arrive and the crowd freaks out? I'm so confused. Oh right, because he tried to take over the city! Let's add a flashback of the Joker highjacking the power plant so the audience is on track, story-wise.  The more we spell things out, the better our story!

OFF TO THE FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE

Per legal, please drop the scene where Dick gets slammed into the dashboard of the Batmobile due to the lack of seat belts.  If we air that, our liability insurance will go through the roof.  (Maybe a web extra?)

Let's add a bite from Bruce reiterating why he wants to steal the Phantom Zone projector. Sure, we can infer that he's doing this so he can stop the Joker's nefarious plot, but we don't infer in reality TV.  That's what scripted is for!

EVERYONE ESCAPES THE PHANTOM ZONE

Please make sure every evil monster in the Phantom Zone has signed a release. 

As the villains are wreaking havoc all over Gotham City, let's throw in some bites from them about how they feel.  I'd love to her Voldemort's take on this, don't you?

Batman, Robin, Alfred and Barbara are flying to escape the villains and there are Gremlins all over the Scuttler. Are Gremlins bad? Do they pose a big threat? The one way to fix this is to -- yes, it's true -- add a bite!  Add a few bites in here from all four of them setting the stakes! If our people don't tell us this is dangerous, then it won't be dangerous to the audience.

We need to lose some time. Do we have to see Batman go into the Phantom Zone and make a deal with Phyllis? We think this could all be conveyed with a montage on a bite.  Maybe make it a web extra? 

Seeing everyone in Gotham get together to save the city is very inspiring.  In order to really sell this and give us the end we've been building to is a big bite! Let's get bites from Barbara, Batman, Dick and Alfred about what this all means to them (and don't make it too bite-heavy.)

It's 7pm now. Please turn these notes around by 10am tomorrow with responses.  Thanks a bunch!

If THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for the one of the popular stop-motion animation films of all-time. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please go back to Christmastown and lay down for a long winter's nap.  

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS RC3 NETWORK NOTES - 3pm EST

Hello! We appreciate all of your hard work on getting the last cut back to us in an almost-timely manner.  The show is slowly taking shape, but we still have a lot of work ahead of us. The big problem we have right now is focus.  We visit Halloweentown and Christmastown and yet we barely know either place! How are they connected? What are the political structures? Can our viewers go visit for some fun shopping? If Jack is the Pumpkin King of Halloweentown, why is there a Mayor? (Is there an order of succession?) There a lot of questions we have and in reality TV, we leave people in suspense, not with questions! A bite pass is absolutely necessary.  Once this happens, we can send time coded notes.  But not until then. 

"THIS IS HALLOWEEN"

Halloweentown is kinda cool, in a Hot Topic sort of way.  Are there any other shots of the town with more color? This is the start of the show and we need to grab the audience right from the first frame! Comb through your footage and find some drone b-roll overhead of the town during the day so the audience will fall in love with it right away. The lyric track is working pretty well, so let's go for a win with some great juicy b-roll! (Make sure it's free; we aren't paying for it.)

We are seeing A LOT of monsters as we go through the town and I can't tell them apart! Let's extend the VO to explain who these creatures are and why we should care about them.  We need to spell things out for the audience as much as possible. That's storytelling!

It takes almost 4 1/2 minutes for Jack to be introduced? NO no no NO.  As he's being carted in, let's do a big intro package from him like "Hi, I'm Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloweentown. I'm in charge of making sure that the big scary holiday known as 'Halloween' is s scary as possible." (Please get this verbatim) While it can be inferred from the sound-ups of the townspeople that Jack does all this, we can't assume that the audience will pick up on that. That's for scripted. This is reality!

Per legal, please add a disclaimer that no one should set themselves on fire and dive into a dirty well to become Jack Skellington.  

We just introduce Sally by her lurking in the background and then she loses an arm to get away from her abusive boyfriend. That would be great stuff... if there was a bite to go along with it! Ugh, you guys, come on. Whoever edited this should be fired and replaced. (Get someone cheaper.) Yes, it seems like Sally doesn't like her boyfriend but if she doesn't tell me in a bite that this guy is bad news, then how am I to know? HOW AM I TO KNOW? Please get her saying something like "My name is Sally.  Evil Scientist made in his lab as his companion but I'd rather be out in the world and meet Jack Skellington!" (Make sure you get this in her own words) 

"JACK'S LAMENT"

Jack is going on and on about how he feels stuck and wants to try something else. It's beautiful and gorgeously shot.  Since we're long, let's condense this to a bite and make it a podbuster. 

On a side note, we've been in Halloweentown for over 10 minutes and we haven't learned a single Halloween decorating tip! People, if we are doing holidays here then we have to give the audience some take-away information! Comb through your footage and see if you can add something new. Does Jack teach a vampire how to make a great tasty punch for a Halloween party? Does Sally show the Evil Scientist how to make ghost decorations using tissue paper, a marker and some fishing line? Let's set ourselves up for success here! We can't let Food Network corner the market on all of this.

"WHAT'S THIS?"

Jack is obviously intrigued by the door to Christmas Town. But I don't know why! Bites, bites, bites! Get a bite from him along the lines of "Wow, this door is very pretty. I've never seen colors like this before.  I wonder where this goes." The more we explicate, the more the audience stays put!

Add a lower third that says "Christmas Town" when Jack arrives there. We can't risk any confusion. 

Christmas Town is quaint and cute; it reminds me of what I imagine the Midwest looks like! Jack's enthusiasm is infectious, but after a couple minutes of him saying "What's this", we better get to an explanation pretty quickly.  We can leave the audience in suspense over a commercial break, just not in a scene. 

Per legal, please add a disclaimer saying we do not advocate drugging someone's food to escape capture, even if you're being help captive by an Evil Scientist. After that Gordon Ramsay debacle, we can't afford another lawsuit.

JACK RETURNS

Do a chyron pass on the monsters in the town meeting. I'm having trouble telling all the ghouls apart. 

Jack is being very obvious explaining the different Christmas items to the Halloween townspeople. He's over-explaining, actually.  This is great.  No notes on this.

Per legal, please add a disclaimer that people should not jump out of a five-story tower to escape an evil scientist, even if they are made of straw and leaves. This isn't American Ninja Warrior.

JACK'S OBSESSION

Let's get a big intro package for Lock, Shock and Barrel. Let's get into their backstory and put in some snazzy b-roll.  As our resident villains, they should be totally eye-catching.  Like Kenya from Real Housewives of Atlanta, but not as scary. 

The montage of the townsfolk making their Christmas presents is decently cut but it needs another pass.  First, let's change up the music.  It's been minor key orchestral for so long. How about a different lyric track? A "Despacito" sound-alike would work wonders here. Let's discuss.  Also, after each present is made, add a cymbal scrape.  That way the audience will know to look up from their phones and pay attention!

SANDY CLAWS GETS KIDNAPPED

Once we arrive in Christmas Town, let's again add a "Christmas Town" lower third. Then, once we get into Santa's house, add a "Santa Claus - Jolly Old Elf" chyron.  Don't assume that all of our viewers know who he is. What if they just switched over to the show at this point? How will they know what the story is? We can't let people get lost now!

Per legal, please add a disclaimer saying that no one should kidnap the patron saint of the biggest holiday of the year. (The only one who's qualified for that is Wall Street)

When Santa falls into Oogie Boogie's lair, let's give Oogie a big intro package. He's the Big Bad in here. Think of Camilla from The Challenge or Omarosa from The Apprentice, just not as scary. 

JACK TRIES TO DO CHRISTMAS

As Jack is dropping off presents, let's pepper in some bites from Jack about how happy he is to be finally fulfilling his dream of doing something different. We set it up song before; we have to follow through in bite now.  That's Storytelling 101!

Once Jack saves Santa Claus from Oogie Boogie, add a bite from Santa Claus about how relieved he is to be saved from certain death. (And if he can work in a mention to Target too, that would help with our production integration requirements for the quarter. Make it natural!)

Please turn around the cut with notes responses by 5pm EST. Thanks a bunch!

If THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following gives some spoilers to THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS.  If you don't want to be spoiled, please skip this until you've seen the film.  And also after you've spayed and neutered your little darlings. 

THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS ROUGH CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES

Hello to you and your team. We appreciate getting this cut in such a timely manner.  While we have a lot of things going for us with the show, we here at the network feel that we have such a long way to go in such a short time.  Right now, the humor is just too intellectual for our target demographic. We need to make things a lot clearer for our audience. You are just assuming too much at this point.  A bite pass is absolutely necessary.  Also, we desperately need some lower thirds too.  

To compete with the other animal shows on the air right now, we need to give the audience takeaway information.  If we can watch Cesar Milan manhandle a malamute and learn a thing or two, we definitely can do that with two dogs going from Manhattan to Brooklyn and back.  (More on that later).  We need to think BIGGER, guys.  Let's go for it!  Once we get these big overall changes done, then we'll give you time-coded notes.  Below are some ideas.  If you have any questions, please contact my assistant; she's been out of college for 6 months and she gave half the notes!  

MAX'S INTRO

You guys did a great job with introducing Max. His VO is on point and gives a great thorough execution.  However, let's make sure to add people saying his name more as the scenes go along.  Our research shows that our viewers treat our channel as secondary viewing.  That is, we have to make sure that a 40 year old mom of 3 in Kansas City can follow along as she's doing the dishes.  So, if we keep having the other people say "MAX!" in all of the scenes he's in, this happy homemaker can easily follow along.  Got it?

While Max gets a great intro, the rest of his squad could use a more thorough bite pass.  Yes, Chloe is an snooty cat who thinks she's above it all; the question is WHY.  If it's just because she's a cat, then that borders on being feline-ist and we are not about any sort of discrimination at this network.  Please dig through your bites and add a good, juicy, easy-to-follow, short, thorough, to the point but colorful bite explaining who she is.  

DUKE'S INTRO

When Duke is brought back into Katie's apartment, it is very confusing.  Who is Duke? Why is he there? Sure, I could just watch the scene and figure that out but at this network, that is a no-no! Let's give Duke the big fun intro bite he deserves! Something like "Hey there! I'm Duke! I'm a big mutt that was found at the pound. I got out of the yard one day and I couldn't find my way back home.  I'm really sad but I'm also fun and approachable and I'm the life of the party!" (Please pattern this bite one of the guys from "The Bachelorette"; our research shows women who buy cheap pinot grigio also watch our network)

Max's and Duke's first couple days together are super intense.   Their fighting over the doggie bed, Max manipulating Duke into being his slave -- reminds me of when Bethenny and the Countess squared off in the Hamptons! (With less fur, of course). We have great content here: it flows very well, full of tension and humor. The one thing missing?  About 5 interview bites to give us context! Let's wring as much drama from this section as possible.  If we aren't telling the audience how to feel at all times, then we storytellers are just being lazy!  And who wants to be like that?

MAX AND DUKE GET LOST

The dog walker takes Max, Duke, Mel, Buddy and other puppies to Central Park to play.  This is a great opportunity to get some of that takeaway information I was talking about.  How many dogs are brought to this park in a year? How many dog parks are there in Manhattan? How many tons of dog poop are picked up in a year?  These are great bits of info that our audience would love to use at their company lunches and dinner parties... and we are letting this opportunity pass us by! Let's set ourselves up for success! 

Max and Duke are confronted by a bunch of feral cats -- I'm not feeling anything because the music is not helping here.  Let's add a cymbal scrape every time a cat appears.  That'll really let the audience know that something important is happening! 

SNOWBALL AND THE FLUSHED PETS

Max and Duke head into the sewers and encounters The Flushed Pets, led by their leader Snowball.  He says he was a magician's pet -- any footage of this?  Adding a flashback here would be a great addition and really sell this.  Also, a more detailed bite from Snowball would be great.  How long was he a magician's assistant? Does he like living in the sewers? Would he want to live in a Tiny House there? (If so, we could jump on this trend and strike some ratings gold!)

GIDGET GOES TO GET MAX

Please lower third this entire section.

Make sure that every animal in Pop's party has signed a release. 

Also, let's change out the music in Pops' party.  A lyric track soundalike to Pitbull would be great.  (Get it? Get it? - It's Molly, Bob's assistant.  Oh, I just love Pitbull. He's so street!)

MAX AND DUKE GO TO BROOKLYN

This scene is another missed opportunity.  Yes, Duke gets to go to his home and he learns his owner has died. But here we are in the hottest borough in the country and we are not taking advantage of this. Yes, the dogs go to  a sausage factory, but is it a local, artisanal one? Is it attached to an organic microbrew that our audience can go to on their next visit to the Big Apple? In addition to the story, we're also selling the location.  Again, take away info.  Let's think bigger, people!

The end is quite satisfying and yet we could really use some bites here.  Max and Duke have come to like each other and now consider each other friends, but if they don't say that clearly in a bite, how are we all to know? Let's s-p-e-l-l it out so we can s-u-c-c-e-e-d! (Molly again! Hope you liked my notes!  Oh, and can we get the next cut tomorrow morning by 11am with your responses? kthaxbai!)

If UP Got A Round Of Reality TV Network Notes

"UP" ROUGH CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES

Hello! Thank you so much for turning around our previous round of notes so quickly.  While we appreciate all the time and effort your team made, we unfortunately are a long way off from being ready with this cut.  The show currently lacks focus.  Where was the bite pass we asked for?  We desperately need to guide the audience through the show and the only way we can do that is with bites, especially with Act One. With a thorough bite pass, we can then guide our audience through the dense rainforest that is our story.  Right now, I feel as lost as that old man!  (BTW he looks genuinely old instead of TV old; any way we can young him up in Color Correction?) Once we get this bite pass done, then we'll give you time coded notes.   

Also, we are going to South America and we aren't really getting a lot of information about it.  Let's get creative about adding some take-away information about this continent to our audience so that (1) they can feel smart and (2) we can then count this show as part of our "educational programming". 

YOUNG CARL MEETS YOUNG ELLIE

Ugh, do we have to start with the black-and-white newsreel of the explorer Muntz? I can just hear all of the young men 18-35 changing the channel. Yes, I know it sets up all the information for later about Paradise Falls, Carl's love of adventure and how it eventually leads to the love of his life. But this is BORING. Let's do this all with a bite of Carl along the lines of "Hi, I'm Carl. I'm 8 years old. I get to see movies on my own because this is the 1940's and I don't have a helicopter mom.  I'm really into adventure and one day I hope to go to Paradise Falls, just like my canine-loving hero, explorer Carl Muntz!" (Please get this verbatim) Without this bite, I have exactly zero context and I have no idea what I'm watching. 

Carl meeting Ellie in the abandoned house is all great and all but without any bites in this scene, I have no background on Ellie at all. Who is she? Why does she love adventuring? Why is she missing a front tooth? Lost baby tooth? Street fight? Crystal Meth? I don't know because SHE DOESN'T HAVE AN INTRO BITE. Man, this is just so sloppy, you guys.  In scene, one can tell that she's a tomboy risk taker who has a zest for life, but how am I supposed to know that? Just by observing her behavior and listening to her dialogue?! What is this, PBS?!? (Add a damn intro bite from here. Now.)

Ellie shows Carl her Adventure Book and how she wants to fill it with her adventures and she's wants to live on Paradise Falls -- this is a good moment.  What would make a GREAT moment would be a bite from Carl saying how impressed he is by this and he too has a similar goal.  Please comb through your interviews and add some insight from Carl here. 

When Ellie tells Carl that South America is "like America... but South!", let's throw in a graphic to get this point home.  Our research indicates that our audience won't know this information. 

CARL & ELLIE'S MARRIED LIFE

This is basically just a montage of Carl's and Ellie's entire marriage; I wouldn't really call it a scene.  Since there aren't any bites in here at all, I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel. Unless we tell the audience how to think and feel at all times, we as storytellers are not doing our jobs!  Is Carl sad that Ellie didn't get a chance to go to Paradise Falls? How did Carl feel about being a balloon salesman for 40+ years? Let's dive into our materials and get the best bites in here possible.  We need to set ourselves up for success!

RUSSELL

Do we have footage of any other Wilderness Explorer besides Russell? His portly size doesn't make him terrible aspirational. We want to make him a role model that kids can look up to, not just around.  If he's the only one, then during color correct let's digitally squeeze him to make him thinner.  If it can work for Punky Brewster, Joan Lunden and Raven Symone, it can work here. 

After Carl loses his temper and hits the man with his cane, let's add a bite from him expressing his regret.  We at the network have a no-tolerance policy when it comes to violence. (Well, real violence.  The awful, gruesome violence on our scripted shows that depict rape, murder, assaults and maiming are a-okay).  

CARL GOES UP

Whoa, this whole thing where Carl attaches all of these balloons to his house and then flies to South America completely comes out of nowhere! There's no set-up for this, therefore I'm COMPLETELY thrown off. Let's add a couple pick-up scenes where we show Carl setting up all the balloons and starts hatching his plan.  That way, once he takes off, I can totally root for him. Right now, I'm just confused!

Can we add a funny bite from Russell about how it feels to be trapped on a floating house? A little levity right now would work wonders.

ARRIVAL IN SOUTH AMERICA

Let's add some fun, digestible information for our audience about Paradise Falls.  Where is it? What is the climate like? Where can one find colorful and affordable shopping?  By adding this -- even in a lower third -- can give the audience some takeaway information that can drive water cooler talk and Twitter traffic.  Imagine how great a #ParadiseFallsBandBs hashtag would be!

KEVIN AND DOUG

Meeting Kevin is an absolutely adorable scene. Any warm bites from the bird about meeting the humans? Something like "SQAUWK squawk squawk SQUAWK squawk." (Get this verbatim.) 

When Doug the Dog says "Squirrel", please cut to a close up of a squirrel. Otherwise, this sound-up has no context and I'm confused.  

CAMPFIRE

We're in the jungle with Carl and Russell for a couple days now and I think we can amp up the drama some.  Since our target demographic loves survival shows, do they eat any bugs?  Hunt small woodland creatures? Make loincloths out of leaves?  Let's comb through the footage for the most outrageous footage possible.  Our ratings will definitely go up if Carl and Russell are both naked AND afraid.  

MEETING MUNTZ

Oh, the older man that Carl and Russell meet is Charles Muntz from before? Wow, I'd completely forgotten about him.  Let's add a flashback of Carl watching Russell from the newsreel. (Anyway to add an effect to make it look like a flashback but not and old-timey flashback? Be creative)

Please add a pick up scene with the dogs to explain their sociological disgust for specific shapes. Otherwise, the cone of shame scene comes out of nowhere.  Remember, spelling things out for the audience is our primary goal as storytellers!

CARL CHANGES HIS MIND

It's a rather affecting moment when Carl is looking through Ellie's adventure book and sees their joined life together.  What would really get me choked up during this would be flashbacks to their life together plus a very heartfelt bite about how he realizes that her big adventure was with him and that he now needs to follow her example and have his own adventure.  We're also doing a trade out with Capitol One Credit Cards, so if he can work that into this emotional bite, we'd really appreciate it.  

CARL GOES TO SAVE KEVIN AND RUSSELL

Carl is dumping a lot of stuff out of his house in order to make it light enough to fly away.  Is he a hoarder? If so, let's see if we can cobble some footage together and make a "Hoarding: Not UP But DOWN." Please be thorough. 

We're spending a lot of time on Muntz's dirigible.  Any fun facts about it? How many bedrooms? Bathrooms? With tiny houses being played out now on HGTV, maybe FLOATING HOUSES can be the wave of the future? Dive into your footage and put together a sizzle reel.  I smell Emmy!

Please get these notes turned around (with responses) by 5pm today.  Thanks!

If INSIDE OUT Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains plot and character details for INSIDE OUT. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please leave now. If reading fictional network television notes makes you break out in hives, please take an antihistamine.  

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INSIDE OUT ROUGH CUT 4 NOTES

Hello! Thanks for turning our notes around so quickly.  As it stands, the show is really making some progress but it's really not there yet.  What you've given is so immensely creative and thrilling, which is great... and is also a huge concern. The problem is we kept getting lost in what's going on.  A clarity pass is absolutely necessary.  Bites, bites, bites! If we're going to ask for the audience to take the leap to go into someone's mind, we need to spell things out for them very clearly so they don't get nervous.  Once you do this with a very thorough bite pass, then we'll give time coded notes.  Please address the following (and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to call my assistant to set up a time for a call.).

OPENING

We really do like that Joy is our main character here. Her introduction is great and all, but with the arrival of each emotion into Riley's brain, it starts getting confusing.  Yes, none of them look or sound alike at all and they each have a very distinctive personality, but we can't assume that the audience can suss out who is who right off the bat.  So, let's do a chyron pass and an intro package on each emotion.    Sure, Anger says he's anger, but if we throw in a lower third that says "Anger" when he's on the screen, then the audience will know for sure!

RILEY'S MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO

There is some great scene work when Riley and her family arrive in San Francisco.  Still, once they are actually in their house, I forgot which town they were in!  Can we throw up another lower third to remind us where we are? We started in Minnesota and then they switched locations; man, that's a lot to swallow!

Disgust has a great sound-up once they see the dead mouse in Riley's room; does she have a bite about it? I would love to get inside the head of the beings inside Riley's head. 

MEMORY STORAGE/ISLANDS OF PERSONALITY

So, the different emotions run Riley at different times depending on the situation.  I know we established that at the very beginning but on Riley's first day of school, I think we should really throw in a flashback to this to remind the audience exactly why the emotions are there at the control panel in the first place. Sure, it just happened 10 minutes before and it's in all the promotional materials and is the very concept of the show to begin with, but it couldn't help to remind the audience of this. Remember, always reiterating what is going is what we storytellers do best!

Memories come in as big marbles and then go into long-term storage. Some memories are core memories that create the different islands that form Riley's personality - wow, that is a LOT of information for our audience to remember! Let's construct a very tight flashback that we can use every 4-5 minutes to jog the audience's memory of this.  It's hard to remember how Riley remembers so we need to remember to remind the audience of this so they can remember it all. Got it?

Please add a pick up scene where Disgust goes over Riley's first day of school outfit.  We think this could really go over well with our audience and serve as a possible makeover show backdoor pilot called "Ughh, You're Not Going To Wear THAT, Are You?" Advertisers love shows where we shame women on their fashion choices  Throw the scene in and let's make it work!

When Riley has her breakdown during her first day of class, do we have any bites from the cool girls in school? We get the idea from Disgust and Fear what Riley's stakes are, but if we can get a few from that clique of mean girls, it can really hammer home what Riley is really risking. And also the funnier the better!

JOY AND SADNESS TRY TO GET BACK TO HEADQUARTERS

When Joy and Sadness meet Bing Bong, let's give him a really big intro package. I know he introduces himself in scene, but let's throw in a bite along the lines of "Hi, I'm Bing Bong. I'm Riley's imaginary friend.  I'm part elephant, part cotton candy and an all-around great guy and since I've been wandering around Riley's long-term memory, I really know my way around." Please get this verbatim. 

Please double check our trade out agreement with Triple Dent gum. I really don't think they want us to have some much scene work of our people groaning every time their jingle is heard. 

The section where Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong get caught in the Abstract Thought section can be cut.  I am really not clear on what Abstract Thought is, so let's just make it a web extra.  

DREAM PRODUCTIONS/SUBCONSCIOUS

Does Rainbow Unicorn have any bites regarding Riley's dream going haywire? We're paying an arm and a leg for her appearance fee, so let's get the most for our money.  

I know Joy says that the Subconscious is where Riley stores all of the big things that frighten her, but can she explain in in a bite? Or maybe Sadness can? We haven't heard from her in a while, let's see what she has to say. 

We've been in Riley's head for so long; is there any more scene work that we can cut to? Maybe with the parents or the cool girls at school? This is starting to feel a bit claustrophobic.  

Please make sure the killer birthday party clown has signed a release. 

When the personality islands start breaking apart, can we add in a bite from Sadness or Joy about what this means? We have to always remind the audience about the stakes.  What would happen if Riley loses every portion of her personality? What would happen to her? Does this mean she would end up working in insurance? Let's spell this out. 

JOY AND SADNESS MAKE IT TO HEADQUARTERS

When Joy and Bing Bong are trying to get out of the Memory Dump using his wagon, let's throw in a flashback of him and younger Riley playing on it and saying that it's powered by song.  They start singing to power it and I'm completely lost! (Also, the Bing Bong song is cleared, right? Our music budget has been eaten up with the Triple Dent trade out).

Please add a bite from Joy when she realizes that Bing Bong is no longer there. Even though we see she's crying, how am I to know if she really misses him or not without a bite exactly saying that? 

END

Now that we see that the memories are now coming in with multiple colors instead of just one, let's add in a bite from Joy about how important it is for Riley's development that all of her emotions be validated.  We can't assume the audience will pick up on this; it's only obvious to us since we're professionals at this but remember, the audience isn't! 

Please have these done with a notes response by 11am tomorrow morning.  Thanks!

If BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for Disney's BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. If your nose is going to get bent out of shape regarding spoilers from a movie that came out in 1991, please up your dosage. 

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST RC2 NETWORK NOTES

Hello! Thanks for addressing the notes from Rough Cut I. We do appreciate your team turning those notes around so quickly.  Unfortunately, as it now sits, we feel we do have a long way to go in before we can really truly lock this episode. Timecoded notes will have to wait; we are in emergency mode.  Right now, Belle is coming across as too scholastic and the Beast has too much camera time.  Can we recut this so Belle and Gaston end up together? (Just an idea) There is also a lot of potential right now amongst the Beast's staff; let's flesh that out a bunch (please see below). Also, where is the bite pass we requested? Guys, we need to really be up front with our viewers about the characters' feelings and intentions. Let's get into the heads of every human, creature, and talking armoire in our cast! Every scene has to have TENSION AND STAKES; right now, we are way off the mark. Detailed notes are below. 

PROLOGUE

Is this scratch VO explaining the Prince's background? The guy sounds really old; is this one of the editors? Let's re-record with someone younger with more energy.  Right now, we do feel this is a great set up for the story.  Let's maximize our screen time by grabbing the viewers right from the start.  Maybe a Zach Ephron-type? Let's discuss. 

BELLE IN THE VILLAGE

I've never been fond of casting Belle; too bookish. (We should have gone more Megan Fox than Amy Adams, but I was overruled). Our research shows that our audience likes seeing women WITH books over actually LOVING books; the latter makes our target demographic feel dumb and unproductive.  And who wants that?  Let's do an opening montage of Belle walking through her hometown where she explains who she is, where she lives and her interests (THEN show her reading a book for maybe 3 seconds).  This whole section can be trimmed down. 

Gaston has a great entrance. He is testing very well and we are big fans of his over here, so let's set him up for success, shall we? Add in some very empathetic bites from him and La Fou about how much he's loved in town.  That way, he can be great foil for Belle and not be so douchey. (Though a bit of douchiness is good; the affluencers in our demographic thoroughly enjoy tweeting about a lovable bad boy!) Recut Belle's and Gaston's confrontation where we tone him down some.  You guys, we need to protect our cast from themselves. 

BELLE'S FATHER AT THE BEAST'S MANSION

Belle's father Maurice is going to a fair because he's an inventor? I know Belle explained this to Gaston in the previous scene but I totally forgot about it! Let's put in a flashback here to drive this home.  How important is the fair? How often does this happen? Why is Belle not going with her father? So many loose ends here, guys; sloppy, sloppy, SLOPPY! Let's do a serious bite pass on this scene so we can set ourselves up for success.  

When Belle's father actually gets the Beast's house, let's cut this scene way down.  Frankly, the Beast is just too ugly. We want TV Ugly, not ugly-ugly. Are there better shots of him? Why is he so hairy? (Again, overruled in casting). My heart aches at all the cost overruns we're going to have in Color Correction to make him on brand with our network, but oh well. 

GASTON PROPOSES TO BELLE

Wait, Gaston is proposing already? Aww, that's so sweet! But this comes out of nowhere! Let's add a pickup scene where he goes to buy the ring.  (Maybe Harry Winston? Some of your producers have connections there from previous seasons of The Bachelor, yes?) 

Belle explains in song why she said no to Gaston after she kicks him out? NO NO NO. We need to hear from her BEFORE she kicks him out! Let's get some Belle bites in there now; if she isn't telling us how she's feeling at every second, how can we root for her? 

BELLE ARRIVES AT BEAST'S MANSION

After conferring with other people here at the network, I really think that the strongest elements in the show are the Beast's staff.  A talking clock? A teapot with a British accent? A French candlestick having an affair with a feather duster? And a boss that looks like Rob Kardashian crossed with a wildebeest? Now THIS is the sexy, urbane show that we ordered!  This has so much comedic and romantic potential.  Comb through your footage and see what we can do to really get the best material we can. Maybe it's a backdoor pilot! We think this could be a great workplace show; think Vanderpump Rules with a less frightening boss. Or a more believable Jerseylicious.  

Belle agrees to stay at the castle instead of her father, but she doesn't tell us why.  I guess it's to get her father out of that cell so he can be free, but if she doesn't tells us this word for word, then how am I to know? HOW AM I TO KNOW? Get a bite in here where she explains this. 

GASTON DRINKS AT THE BAR 

La Fou and Gaston having some bro time is great, but we are missing some opportunities here. La Fou sings this whole song about Gaston's features but does he like-like Gaston? If we can possibly play up that La Fou is gay, this could help get GLAAD off our backs.  Please double check your footage. 

If Gaston is really covered in hair and uses antlers in all of his decorating, then we are really missing a Lumbersexual angle with him that we should really exploit. Let's do some pick up interviews where he's styled like Mumford or one of his Sons. 

BELLE IN THE CASTLE

The Beast does has a great scene with Lumiere & Mrs. Potts about the importance of witch's curse and wilting rose, but this really could be explored a lot more.  When Belle first arrives at the castle looking for her father, let's put in a couple bites to really drive this home. The more often we reiterate a story point, the stronger the story we tell!

BEAST SCARES BELLE 

The Beast scares Belle causing her to run off and then he rescues her from a pack of wolves in the woods. Why haven't we seen these wolves before? Are they there often? Let's set up the wolves in a previous scene so we can really maximize the drama. Also, again here's my mantra: BITES BITES BITES! If the Beast didn't like Belle being in the West Wing of his castle, why is he rescuing her? It's not realistic that a Beast would change its emotions like that so quickly.  Let's get into his head and figure out why the sudden change of heart. 

THE FLIRTING

I can sort of see how the romance is starting to blossom between Beast and Belle but let's drive this home. While they are outside flirting, make the following changes to the audio design:

* When Belle smiles at the Beast as he's feeding the birds, add a cymbal scrape.

* When the Beast looks at Belle as she's walking to the tree, add a cymbal scrape.

* When Belle laughs at the Beast when she sees all of the birds resting on him, add a woodblock sound THEN  a cymbal scrape.  

Let's be creative with the audio design to really tell the audience how they should feel at all times! 

BELLE AND BEAST DANCE

This is the best the Beast has ever looked and Belle finally looks like good. But all we hear during this scene is Mrs. Potts singing. Can we add a bite from the Beast in here, saying how he feels for her. Maybe a funny bite from Cogsworth? Take a look.  

GASTON RALLIES THE TROOPS/INVADES CASTLE

Gaston is really saying "Kill the Beast?" Is there a take where he says "I want to call the Beast out" instead? Per legal, we really can't advocate murder. Maybe cheat in some audio? 

The Beast's staff does a great job fending off the marauding horde. Do they have experience with this? Some additional bites here would really work wonders.  

Is there another take where Gaston learns his lesson and doesn't plummet to his death? We'd like to keep our options open with him (maybe a dating show? On The Hunt With Gaston has a great ring to it).

Belle's confession of love is all nice and good but it could stand more of a setup. Maybe an additional bite about her feelings? Let's play around it it.

Thanks again for attacking these in a timely manner. Please have these tomorrow by 1pm. I look forward to your notes responses as well!