If THE GODFATHER Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most beloved and revered American films of all time. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please move on. But I would avoid that one toll road, if I were you.

THE GODFATHER 101 FINE CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES

Hello! Thanks for turning around our previous round of notes so quickly. While we’ve made some progress, we are still a long long, long way off. The cut is still way too fat (we could cut this half and still have too much time) and there are some elements we requested that aren’t in yet. Where are the bites we asked for? Right now, the cut is just too lugubrious and slow. Please fire whatever hack editors were on before and bring in a new staff. (I could recommend some editors from VANDERPUMP RULES or MAMA JUNE - they could add some zip this mess!) We are missing so many opportunities for comedy here. Also, there are too many characters. Let’s talk about trimming some time and cut to the chase. They’re mobsters, this should feel fun, and not like homework! (What are we, PBS?)

Once these general notes are addressed, we will send you time coded notes. But right now, there’s just too much work to do! It’s time for us to start ideating and thinking outside the box! (One trick I find useful: I write down the title of each scene on a card and put them all on the wall in order. That way, we can see the whole show in front of us and figure out the structure! If you need help with this, my assistant can talk you through it. He’s great and gave some of these notes!)

Also, we just watched 102 and we are confused by it. If there are scenes that take place before 101, why aren’t they in 101? Let’s get on the phone later on today and talk this out. So confused!

Please do a subtitle pass on Don Corleone. Five cuts in, I still can’t understand a thing he says.

OPENING

This music, really? Are we really starting the show with this… slow, turgid score? We have to set the tone very quickly. Right now, this tone says “TAKE A NAP!” when it should say “HEY-O, FUN TIME TO BE HAD!” Let’s do a complete music pass — think hip hop, urban, and maybe some pop? Think less John Williams and more Post Malone. Let’s discuss!

General note: we need to lighten up this whole show in the online. It’s currently way too dark. We don’t do moody lighting in reality TV; the audience will get confused and think they’re watching Leah Remini taking down Scientology. Let’s brighten things up!

We go from the logo to a guy just talking? Whoa whoa whoa, I’m so confused. Where are we? What’s happening? Let’s start off with a nice b-roll transition in with a lyric cue that establishes where we are and the mood. We have to set the stage as elementary as possible — that’s Storytelling 101!

This guy telling the Godfather the story about his daughter has the potential to be touching… if we had any idea who he was! Hello, we need some bites in here! Let’s intro this guy with a bite like “Hello, I’m so-and-so, and I really love this country. My daughter has been roughed up by a bunch of guys and I really need some help! I do hope the Godfather — who is the most powerful person in my New York neighborhood — will help me out. If he doesn’t, then I won’t know what to do!” (Please get this in his own words but as close to verbatim as possible).

Oh, we finally see our title character! I can barely understand him and on top of that, we have no context on who he is. You know what would settle that? A BITE. Good Christ, you guys, this is sloppy to the nth degree. Have him say something along the lines like “Hi! I’m Don Corleone. I run a big mob family in New York. I was born with next to nothing and I worked my way up to one of the most powerful people in town. People love to come to me with their problems and I’m willing to help… as long as I’m respected. If i’m not, then there will be problems!” (Get this verbatim)

When Corleone says they’re not murders, can he expound on that? Legal wants to make sure we aren’t getting into anything dicey. Thanks!

THE WEDDING

Okay, this scene goes on and on and on. What is this, in real time? We’re seeing a lot of dancing and not a lot of movement on the story. Let’s restructure this scene. Have some dancing, intro Sonny and Tom (with big intro bites for both) and let’s lose the wedding photo bit. Then when Michael finally shows up, give him a big intro package explaining his war history and bites from other family members as to why his father is so fond of him. If we don’t set this up, then the audience will be confused. How are we supposed to know who he is? By picking up context cues and by merely people talking to each other? That’s what scripted is for!

When Michael explains what a consigliere, this is a great opportunity for an infographic to come up and give the audience some takeaway info. The audience is craving such things and our studies show that our key demographic loves mafia trivia. Let’s give them what they want!

Make sure we can clear Johnny Fontaine’s song. If not, please use a sound-alike.

WOLTZ’S HOUSE

Please blur the horse’s head in Woltz’s bed. According to our records, it never signed a release.

CORLEONE GETTING SHOT

Fredo’s father gets shot and Fredo just freezes? He doesn’t say anything? Is there another take where Corleone gets shot that Fredo actually says something? If not, you know what would be helpful? A BITE. Man, you all are disappointing me. Have him say something like “I was so stunned by my dad getting shot, I didn’t know what to do!” Sure we can infer that from Fredo’s action, but unless he says it explicitly, how am I supposed to know? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

Wait, why did the Turk have Corleone shot? Oh right, Corleone turned down his offer to get in on his heroin trafficking. What would really help here is a flashback! Telling the audience exactly everything that’s going on at all times is the height of storytelling! (I learned that a great seminar in ‘99 at CSUN!)

When Clemenza says “Luca Brasi is sleeping with the fishes”, do we have any footage of that? If we say it and don’t see it, then the audience will get confused. Also, sleeping with fish can be either smelly or dangerous. Let’s put in a disclaimer at the beginning of the show that only professionals should try slumbering with sea animals. We can’t afford another lawsuit.

Please add a pick up scene where Clemenza talks about why he likes pastries over firearms. Otherwise his line “leave the gun, take the cannoli” doesn’t have the proper context.

MICHAEL’S MEETING WITH SOLLOZZO

This scene just sits there until Michael starts shooting people (which we don’t endorse on this network, by the way. Let’s add that to the disclaimer at the beginning). It plays completely dry and there are no bites about Michael’s state of mind during this scene. Is he angry? Scared? Frustrated? Let’s throw in some bites from him about the situation, a bite or two from Sollozzo about what he wants from Michael and one from the crooked cop about the veal. (Again, take away for the audience!) Oh, and don’t make the scene feel bite heavy.

MICHAEL IN ITALY

This whole section is pretty… dull. We need to lose a lot of time. Let’s cut it and make it a web extra. We can cover Michael’s wedding in a bite.

SONNY AT THE TOLL BOOTH

Sonny getting shot up on the causeway is a harrowing, scary scene… but he wasn’t wearing a seat belt. Any way we can use an effect in online to add one? We want to make sure we are being responsible.

THE DON’S DEATH

Corleone’s passing is touching and tragic, but he does so while he’s playing around with oranges, which could go against our product placement contract with the California Orange Growers Association. Please double check and make sure we aren’t putting that in jeopardy.

THE CHRISTENING

There is a lot of things happening in the Christening, a lot of cross cutting. Let’s do a lower third pass on all of the people who get whacked so we can follow what’s going on. Spelling things out is storytelling at its finest!

MICHAEL AND KAY FIGHT

When Michael tells Kay not to ask about his business, can we throw in a flashback to show what his business is? If someone were to tune in right at this point, they would be confused and get lost really easily. Remember Rule #14 in our Network Style Guide: Flashbacks are our friends!

Please turn around the cut to us (with notes responses) by noon tomorrow EST. Thanks!

If AVENGERS INFINITY WAR Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for AVENGERS INFINITY WAR. If you do not wish to be spoiled, please see the film first and then read this.  Unless you have the Time Stone, then you can do this in whatever order you want. 

AVENGERS INFINITY WAR FINE CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES

Hello all! Thank you for turning around the notes so quickly. We know we gave you our notes past the deadline but what are you going to do, stop us? I honestly don't know how you could have made this show any worse, but somehow you managed.  No previously on? No flashbacks? No bites?! Where's the chyron pass we need? (We didn't ask but you should anticipate our wishes by now) This is sloppy and borderline-unprofessional.  Until we get what we need, time-coded notes will just have to wait.  To say we are in damage control mode is an understatement. This cut needs A LOT of work. 

ASGARDIAN SHIP

Wait, we're in space? And Thanos and his minions have taken over? And Thor is hurt and laying on the ground? Wow, guys.  What the heck. First of all, we need a Previously On.  Let's set everything up at this point. Thanks, Thor, Heimdall, Loki, the Guardians, Iron Man, Doctor Strange, the big bang, all of it.  We need CONTEXT. And we are lacking that.  Secondly, we don't immediately start a scene right on story.  We need some preamble first; then get into story.  Does Thor and Heimdall have a fun witty chat about a non-story subject? Is Korg having fun on the ship? Is Valkyrie drinking a mimosa? Comb through your footage and let's put in a humorous beat before Thanos arrives.  Starting the show like this is just careless. It's like you're assuming that the audience has watched all other 18 episodes right before this and can pick it up! That may work in scripted, but not here!

Thanks wants the Space Stone from Loki. This is a great opportunity for a great big intro package for Thanos. Have him lead it off with a bite like "I'm Thanos, known as the Mad Titan. I have a lot of power and a bunch of unruly adopted children. Kinda like the Brady Bunch but more homicidal. I'm looking to collect the Infinity Stones so I can wipe out half of life in the galaxy because I think it's way overpopulated. I'm just thinking about the greater good, you know?" Get him to say this in his own words, please.  (And make it funny!) 

Wait, speaking of Loki, he should get an intro package too to reintroduce him to the audience. In fact, all of the main players should get an intro package. You can't assume that the audience is paying attention and can remember all of these characters. Make sure all 20 characters get good, thorough intro packages. But remember, the locked cut is only 43:30, so make sure they all fit and we get a good tight, compelling story. I now your crew can do it!

When Loki gets killed, this is a great opportunity for a bite. How does he feel about dying? Does he wish he got along with Thor more? Is he a kleptomaniac? Comb through your interviews and see what you have. If not, just do a pick up! 

HULK CRASHES BACK TO EARTH

I can figure out we're in New York with all of the landmarks, but a lower third here would really help us out. In fact, please add a wild line of Tony Stark saying "I love jogging in New York, don't you, Pepper?" so any viewers who are looking at their phones and not at the screens can follow along.  

When Tony says to Hulk "Stop it, you're embarrassing me in front of the wizards", does he have a bite explaining what a wizard is? Some members of our audience may not know so let's cover our bases here and put it in.  Telling the audience everything that's going on is the heart of what we do; storytelling!

Per S&P, double check to make sure we can send a teenage Spider-Man to space. We don't want to be in violation of any Jackie Coogan laws here. Thanks!

SCOTLAND

Whoa, Vision and the Scarlet Witch are a couple? Who saw that coming? This definitely needs a big background package. Get them in a joint interview where they can playfully banter about being romantic while on the run from the world's law enforcement agencies while also telling us why they are on the run and what their powers are. Refreshing the audience's memory is essential to storytelling! 

THE GUARDIANS FIND THOR

I think it's funny that Quill is jealous of Thor's muscles and good looks.  I say "I THINK" because there's no bite in here to tell me! Ugh! Add a bite from Peter about how he's envious of Thor. Either that or add a bite from Groot along the lines of "I am Groot. I AM groot. i am GROOOOOOT."  (Please get that verbatim)

VISITING THE COLLECTOR ON KNOWHERE

Wow, the Collector has a lot of interesting items in his collection. Are they cleared? Please have your clearance coordinator double check to make sure we can show all of those artifacts. If not, that whole scene will have to be blurred. 

The Guardians have a great face off with Thanos and he double tricks them using the Reality Stone. Wait, he's collecting stones? I forgot! Please put in a flashback to Thanos explaining why he needs the stones and how he got the other stones already. This will be beneficial just in case someone is just tuning in now and they won't be lost! (Please also add in another flashback like this 12 minutes from now for the same reason)

VORMIR

Please add a disclaimer that people should not push their loved ones off a cliff to get a rare item. (That behavior gets a slide on "Antiques Roadshow" but it's PBS so no one cares). 

As Gamora is plummeting to her death, please add a bite about how she's feeling at the time. If she doesn't tell me she wants to live, how am I supposed to know how to feel? Just listen to her scream? NOT ENOUGH, GUYS.

FIGHT IN WAKANDA

Please make sure all of the Wakandan soldiers have signed a release. 

We really need a thorough chyron pass here. In fact, every time a character appears on camera during this scene, please put their chyron up. Also, make add some sound ups of characters using other people's names so those suburban moms in Overland Park, KS can follow along while they do dishes. 

During the key battle, please add in bites from Captain America, Okoye, Black Panther, Black Widow and others telling us why this fight is important and how they are feeling about it. We really need to set the stakes here. Sure, it's been said that if Thanos gets all of the Infinity Stones he will wipe out half of all life in the universe, but unless the Winter Soldier tells me in an interview that Thanos must be stopped, then how am I supposed to know that this is important? Let's spell this out guys.  Here, I'll spell this out for you: S-T-A-K-E-S A-R-E E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Got it? Good. 

END

As half of the universe starts drifting into oblivion, let's get some bites in there about how people are feeling about blinked out of existence.  Spider-Man has a nice sound up, but what about T'Challa?  Get a pick up of it, if you have to. 

Please get the next cut to us with notes responses by tomorrow at 4pm EST. Thanks!

If THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE Got A Round of Reality TV Network Notes

NOTE: The following contains spoilers for one of the most beloved animated films from 2017. If you don't wish to be spoiled, skip this by master-building a plane and flying out of here.

THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE ROUGH CUT 3 NOTES

Hello! Thank you so much for your swift turnaround on our last round of notes. We really do appreciate it here. While the show is getting more and more focused, we do feel that we have a long, long, long, LONG way to go before we are set.  The biggest problem we are having right now is clarity.  Is this Batman's story? The Joker's? Also, we desperately need a bite pass and a chyron pass. Without these, everyone's motivation seems muddled.  If Batman really wants to be left alone to do his thing, he needs to tell me this in a bite. if it doesn't exist in a bite, then I don't know what he wants.  And since there are no bites in this cut, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HIS MOTIVATION IS! Or anyone else! Once we get a bite pass, then we'll give time coded notes.

OPENING

So we open with some scary voiceover from Batman about how great shows start in black with scary music. Are we married to that? Starting with just VO and logos and our main person off camera is really just jarring.  Let's scrap all this and start with him back at Wayne Manor with a bite like "I'm Batman, aka Bruce Wayne. I've been fighting crime in Gotham City for a while now. I'm a big hero and everyone knows it!" Get this in his own words and verbatim.  

Per legal, Batman can't claim that he wrote the Man in the Mirror quote. (You know the Michael Jackson estate won't okay this). Has he done another take with his own quote? Something he can live tweet as we air? Double check our interviews and let us know!

JOKER'S PLANE HEIST

When the Joker scares the pilot by saying "always comes to work with a smile", this is just begging for a bite! Ugh, come on, guys! Put in a bite from the Joker like "I'm the Joker, one of the most feared and dangerous villains Gotham City has ever seen! Highjacking this plane full of explosives is one of the most diabolical plans I've ever concocted.  This will definitely impress my girlfriend Harley Quinn and my arch-nemises Batman, who never seems to give me the respect I deserve!" (Get this verbatim, please but also make sure it's organic and natural.)  

When the pilot says that Batman will always beat the Joker, please put in a flashback montage of the Batman beating the Joker. Otherwise, this line doesn't have any context.

POWER PLANT FIGHT

The Joker is listing a lot of villains helping him at the power plant. Please make sure to  lower third to each one so we can tell who is who. (You can't expect a single mom in Kansas City to tell Killer Croc and Calendar Man apart without a little bit of help) Oh, and great Heinz product placement with Condiment King. 

Whoa, Batman cross-dresses and pretends to be the Mayor?  Or is he in disguise AS the mayor so he can defeat the Joker? I bet it's the latter! Let's add a pickup scene of Batman saying he's going to dress up as the Mayor.  Otherwise, this comes in out of nowhere and the audience will be confused. (I was!)

Let's add a bite from the Joker saying how hurt he was that Batman doesn't think he's his greatest enemy.  Sure, I could infer from the pained look on his face that Batman really hurt his feeling but unless he says it in a bite, there's NO way anyone could ever know for sure. 

ORPHANAGE

Great shot including the sign "Orphanage" at the Orphanage. It's a great way of showing the audience where we are.  Please also add a lower third that says "Orphanage" as well, just in case if some members of the audience aren't sure. 

When Batman lands in front of the orphanage and Dick is watching from the sign, this is a great opportunity for a big intro package from our parent-less lad.  Have him say something like "I'm Dick Grayson. I was part of an acrobat circus group with my parents. They died during a performance one night and now I'm here at the Orphanage.  One day I hope to be adopted by someone who's really wealthy. I'm also a big fan of Batman. I hope to meet him one day and we can hopefully be friends!" (Have him say this in his own words).

Please make sure we have a materials release for all of the stuff coming out of the Bat Merch gun. 

BATMAN AT HOME

Thank you for the lower third on Wayne Manor Island.  Let's do that for the rest of the show so the audience knows exactly where they are at all times.  Now THAT'S storytelling!

Side note: do we have any extra footage of Batman and Alfred making some of Batman's vehicles? We smell a possible "Monster Garage"-esque spinoff here.  Double check your footage and let us know!

I don't think we have the rights to footage from "Jerry Maguire."Instead, use some public domain rom-com we can use instead, one that is easily recognized by our target demographic of suburban moms 35-48. That has to be something there, right? If not, let's make this a snap-in. 

Alfred is a great presence on this show but he's not getting the set up he deserves! Let's give him a big intro package with a bite like "I'm Alfred Pennyworth, and I've working for the Wayne family for over 40 years. I think of Master Bruce as like a surrogate son.  I'm hoping he'll embrace a new family, as that is his biggest fear." (Get this in his own words, please. That accent is catnip for our audience!)

Please add a trigger warning about snake clowns.  Otherwise we're angling for a lawsuit.

JIM GORDON'S RETIREMENT PARTY

I think Bruce is smitten by Barbara on her entrance to the party. He's completely distracted by it and inadvertently adopts Dick! That's funny.  I say "I think Bruce is smitten" because he doesn't actually say it. So, yet again, WE. NEED. A. BITE. Keep in mind that our audience is viewing this as a second screen so we need to SHOW what's happening and TELL the audience as well. If they can't follow along our story while looking up Lobster Thermador recipes on their iPads then we are not doing our job as ace storytellers.  Fix this. Now. 

I love the montage showing Barbara's accomplishments, especially at Harvard For School.  Please add an intro bite from her as well talking about how excited she is to be here and taking over for her father. If she doesn't say it, how are we to know? 

As Barbara is going through the crime stats of Gotham City, throw up some lower third infographics so the audience can get some take-home information.  They love hearing about crimes and murders. Let's get into some of that "Making A Murderer" magic and aim for the stars!

Wait, the Joker and all the villains arrive and the crowd freaks out? I'm so confused. Oh right, because he tried to take over the city! Let's add a flashback of the Joker highjacking the power plant so the audience is on track, story-wise.  The more we spell things out, the better our story!

OFF TO THE FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE

Per legal, please drop the scene where Dick gets slammed into the dashboard of the Batmobile due to the lack of seat belts.  If we air that, our liability insurance will go through the roof.  (Maybe a web extra?)

Let's add a bite from Bruce reiterating why he wants to steal the Phantom Zone projector. Sure, we can infer that he's doing this so he can stop the Joker's nefarious plot, but we don't infer in reality TV.  That's what scripted is for!

EVERYONE ESCAPES THE PHANTOM ZONE

Please make sure every evil monster in the Phantom Zone has signed a release. 

As the villains are wreaking havoc all over Gotham City, let's throw in some bites from them about how they feel.  I'd love to her Voldemort's take on this, don't you?

Batman, Robin, Alfred and Barbara are flying to escape the villains and there are Gremlins all over the Scuttler. Are Gremlins bad? Do they pose a big threat? The one way to fix this is to -- yes, it's true -- add a bite!  Add a few bites in here from all four of them setting the stakes! If our people don't tell us this is dangerous, then it won't be dangerous to the audience.

We need to lose some time. Do we have to see Batman go into the Phantom Zone and make a deal with Phyllis? We think this could all be conveyed with a montage on a bite.  Maybe make it a web extra? 

Seeing everyone in Gotham get together to save the city is very inspiring.  In order to really sell this and give us the end we've been building to is a big bite! Let's get bites from Barbara, Batman, Dick and Alfred about what this all means to them (and don't make it too bite-heavy.)

It's 7pm now. Please turn these notes around by 10am tomorrow with responses.  Thanks a bunch!