NOTE: The following contains plot elements for one of the beloved comedies of all time. If you really don't want to be spoiled, please go elsewhere.
THE BLUES BROTHERS ROUGH CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES
Hello! Thanks for addressing the previous round of notes so quickly. We really appreciate it. The show is coming along but we are still far off from where we need to be. We feel the brothers Blues' antics can be toned down to be more network friendly. We want PG "Jackass", not rated R "Jackass." Also, we need more clarification all around. Bites, bites, bites! Once a comprehensive bites pass is done, we'll give time-coded notes. Maybe another comedy pass? Let's discuss.
Jake does a very long exit from prison. He doesn't say anything! Let's use this section to do a strong intro package. Let's kick off with a bite like "Hi! I'm Jake. I'm a musician and I'm finally getting out of prison after holding up a gas station to pay the salaries of the guys in my band. I can't wait to meet up with my brother Elwood who is also in the band with me and we like to dress alike." (Please get this bite exactly). If we don't hear from him within the first ten seconds of the show, how are supposed to form an opinion about him? Just by observing his behavior? Too confusing. Please upgrade.
RUNNING THE NEW BLUES MOBILE OVER THE BRIDGE
Jake and his brother don't seem terribly happy to see each other. Are they more taciturn in nature? If so, let's add a bite from Elwood along the lines of "I'm Elwood, and I'm so glad that my brother is out of prison. We don't really show a ton of affection in our family, so we do a lot of banter in order to prove our love." If Elwood doesn't say this, how will we know he's happy to see his brother? I can't tell!
Elwood giving the stats on the new Blues Mobile is great in a "Top Gear" sort of way (maybe a spinoff?). And how they zoomed over the rising bridge is impressive. It's a good example of the family-friendly stunts we should be going for here. Per legal, please add a disclaimer at the beginning of the show saying that kids should not do this at home.
Is there another take where Jake isn't smoking? I hope there aren't more cigarettes in this episode
VISITING THE PENGUIN
Who is this Penguin they keep referring to? Why are they there? Did they used to be orphans? We're going into a scene without knowing every possible bit of information there is to know and I am nervous! Again, we need another set up bite. If there's a chance for surprise, there's a chance our audience will change the channel.
Oh, the person the Blues Brothers is meeting is not an actual Penguin. Please do a clarity pass on this scene. I got confused.
In the "shit's creek" discussion, please bleep the following:
Wait, why is Jake and Elwood in a bad mood at the church? Oh right, in the previous two scenes Jake and Elwood found out that the only home they've ever known is going to be sold. I completely forgot about it! Please start the scene with a flashback reminding us of this. We need to restate the stakes in every scene; it's called 'Storytelling!'
Have all of the dancing, singing church-goers signed a release? Please double check.
Jake's religious epiphany is great and all: the glow around him, the backflips, the sunbeam coming through the window. But we need to really hammer this home with a bite from Jake. Why did he change his mind? Why is getting the band back together a good idea? Why does he like to dance like that? Please look over your interviews.
FLEEING THE POLICE STOP
Is there another take where Elwood doesn't speed away from the police when they pull him over? Legal is worried that we could inspire copycat incidents. Ever since Teresa Guidice flipped a table, they've been extra jumpy. Please check your footage and get back to us.
Is there a bite from Elwood where he explains why his license was suspended? That would be helpful.
Please add a chyron saying that the producers do not recommend driving through the mall, especially when the police are following you.
Blur the JC Penny's logo when the Blues Mobile bursts forth from their display window.
Please add a bite to explain the woman using the rocket launcher against the Blues Brothers. Right now this comes out of nowhere, cutting against the comedy. Explaining why she's there in every detail will give the audience context and therefore will be absolutely hilarious! (Maybe add a record scratch? Think it over)
When Jake asks the man at the next table "How much for the little girl? How much for your women?", can we add a bite from Jake saying that he's making a joke? Otherwise it seems like he's into human trafficking and S&P won't clear that.
Add a pick up scene early on where Elwood says he's not a fan of Adolph Hitler. Otherwise his comment of "I hate Illinois Nazis" comes out of nowhere.
GIG AT THE PALACE HOTEL
When Jake and Elwood are stranded at the gas station, can we add a bite from them about how stressed out they are about possibly missing the gig? While we are getting that from their in-scene sound-ups and from cutting back to the band anxiously waiting at the ballroom, we really need to hear it from them too. Remember: stakes, stakes, stakes! If we don't keep hitting this point over and over, the audience won't know it's important!
Good Orange Whip product integration.
When the Blues Brothers finally make it to the stage, please add a big cymbal scrape and big sweeping cue. This is the most important moment of the episode so far and let's treat it like such! If it's important to us, it's important to the audience!
CAR CHASE INTO THE CITY
Why are they speeding so much into the city? Oh, right, they're getting the $5000 to the tax assessor's office to make sure the orphanage isn't closed down. I completely forgot. We really need to add a flashback here to remind the audience. Maybe two more flashbacks should be added to previous scenes? This isn't scripted; we can't assume the audience will remember plot points from one scene to the next!
We need to think of the audience takeaway during the whole episode. During the car chase, let's add some factoids into the lower thirds about how fast a Winnebago can go, the air velocity of a car full of Nazi's going of of an overpass, etc. This will give the audience bits of information that they can use to impress their friends at dinner parties.
Once Jake and Elwood are in prison, we just see them play a song for the inmates. Are they happy they saved the orphanage? Are they glad they got the band back together? Please do a big bite pass on this scene. If they don't tell me all these things, how am I supposed to know? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?
Please finish these notes by 4pm today. Looking forward to your responses!