NOTE: The following contains spoilers for CAPTAIN MARVEL. If you don’t wish to be spoiled, please skip ahead to another post. Because Carol Danvers has no time for your crap.
CAPTAIN MARVEL FINE CUT 3 NETWORK NOTES
Hello! Big thanks to you and your team for getting the last cut out to us so quickly. We really do appreciate that. We are getting closer to where we need to be for this to be right but we are way off from where we need to be. Remember, we are trying to tell the best story possible in the most creative way possible but in a way that’s accessible and digestible but that’s different from other shows but similar enough so our audience can follow what we are doing while ordering Grub Hub on their phones. Got it?
We have some big overall notes that need to be addressed; once that happens, we can send you some time coded notes. It’s all hands on deck, people!
VERS AKA CAROL
We here at the network aren’t totally sold on Vers… I mean, Carol. She has two names? One can pick up on the context clues that “Vers” is the name the Kree have given her but her birth name is Carol. But I was eating my keto kale chicken salad and I looked down for a minute while taking notes and I missed all of this! Our audience isn’t as sophisticated as I am, so maybe let’s pick Carol having just one name and be done with it. Otherwise, it’s confusing!
Another thing about Carol: we don’t know who she is! Yes, we understand that her having amnesia is the story hook and the audience discovers her as she discovers herself. But is there extra footage where Carol doesn’t have amnesia? We need to establish her right off the bat so the audience can know who she is in one simple intro package. We need to know her even though she doesn’t know herself. That’s storytelling!
While we do appreciate the lower thirds showing which planet we’re on, I do feel that we don’t know enough about the planets themselves. Let’s make them characters! Sure, Hala is the Kree homeworld, but what is the climate there like? What are there major imports/exports? Any famous Instagram influencers on that planet? Let’s dive in and find out!
VERS ON HALA
We see Vers/Carol on Hala training with her boss. This is a perfect place for an intro bite! (UGH, where is the bite pass we requested?) Let’s have her say something like “Hi, I’m Vers. I live on Hala, the Kree home world! I’m part of the military force and we are currently fighting a long war with the evil shapeshifting Skrulls! In addition to my hand-to-hand combat skills, I can shoot energy beams out of my hands and I like volunteering at homeless shelters!” (Try to get that verbatim) We can’t root for her if we don’t know everything about her right off the bat. By telling the audience everything that’s going on, they can follow our story while still playing on their iPads. It’s storytelling 101!
AMBUSH AT TORFA
We meet Vers/Carol’s crew on their way to Torfa. Again, this would be a great place for an intro package for the team! Man, this is just so sloppy. Have Yon-Rogg introduce each person and their speciality. Does Minn-Erva like being a sniper? Is At-Lass really good at being an infantry soldier? Does Yon-Rogg like creme brûlée? Our audience would like to know! (Also, is it possible to do a spin-off with Yon-Rogg and his crew as they are fighting the Skrulls, something that shows him being an intimidating boss with a bunch of lovable-but-incompetent staff. Something like a military VANDERPUMP RULES? Or a less scary LINDSAY LOHAN BEACH CLUB? Write up a deck and bring it to our development people next week!)
VERS ON EARTH
Vers crash lands on earth… in the middle of a Blockbuster Video. Ha, that’s hilarious! However, legal isn’t sure we can show such wonton destruction of a viable brand. Can we do another take where she crashes into a mom and pop store? Comb through your footage and let us know.
Vers should be disorientated and concerned about finding the Skrulls. I’m not getting that at all… because she doesn’t have a bite story about it! Bites, bites bites! Let’s add a bite in here from her, something like “I’m on a backwards planet looking for a bunch of shapeshifting aliens all while I’m getting odd memories popping up. I’m not sure what I’m going to do but I’m going to press forward because as a Kree soldier with energy powers that I don’t understand, I have to keep going!” (Please get this verbatim). By her telling us how she’s feeling at all times, we can root for her and our advertisers can sell yogurt during the commercial breaks. It’s a win-win!
Okay, wait. There’s a Blockbuster Video store. We’ll probably need a bite to explain what a video store is for our younger viewers. We don't want to alienate them — who else is going to tweet about the show? SIDE NOTE: Can we have Carol or Maria live-tweet the premiere? Any bit will help!
We meet Agent Nick Fury… and he doesn’t have an intro package. WHY? Man, whoever edited this should go into hotel/motel management. This is just shoddy work. Get an intro package here explaining who Nick Fury is, who Agent Coulson is, what SHIELD is, why they are there at the video store, why they like their jobs and something fun about them so the audience can fall in love with them right away. Oh, and don’t make the bites too long. We don’t want to bore anyone!
Based on the clothing, the video store, the cars and Nick’s comment about the accident with the plane happening 6 years ago at 1989, we can deduce that this is taking place in 1995. This is reality TV: you can’t expect our audience to do that much math! What are we, PBS? Through in a chyron when Carol crashes onto Earth that says “Los Angeles, California. 1995.” Spelling everything out for the audience is the height of storytelling!
I hate to sound racist, but the Skrulls aren’t terribly camera friendly. Is there a way of making them more attractive in the online? Get creative and find a way to make them not look like Nosferatu lizards. LET’S TALK.
CAROL GETS HER MEMORIES BACK
Give us an intro package for Maria Rambeau, Carol’s fighter pilot friend. C’mon, you guys, this is obvious. We can’t fall in love with our cast if we don’t have them explain themselves every 90 seconds. That’s in our style guide!
Once Carol starts putting together what happened to her, let’s add in some bites from her about how she’s feeling about her mentor betraying her. If she doesn’t explicitly say in a bite that she’s hurt and offended by that betrayal, then how am I know? By just picking up on her mood and body language?! That may work in scripted but not here! Add some bites into this. Pronto.
We love the cat! He’s so cute. Please make sure he’s signed a release.
Please turn these notes around with a notes response doc by 4pm tomorrow EST. Thanks!