NOTE: The following contains plot details about the 1989 film version of BATMAN. If you don't wish to be spoiled by this, then please, move on.
BATMAN ROUGH CUT 2 NETWORK NOTES
Hello! Thanks for turning this cut around so quickly. While the show really does have some verve, we do feel that more work is definitely needed. The biggest problem we are having is that we really don't KNOW Bruce Wayne. He's too much of an enigma. We do mysterious in reality TV, not a real mystery. Let's get a big bite pass from him so he can tell us more of who he is and why he's cavorting around in a big rubber suit. Honestly, a bite pass in general would really work wonders. Until this happens, we really can't give time-coded notes at this time.
Batman's confrontation with the two goons on the rooftop is great, but it could really benefit from more clarity. When they start hearing the noises and seeing the shadows, let's put in a few bites from them about how afraid they are. Also, when Batman is dangling the mugger from the rooftop, let's throw in a bite from the criminal there, saying how scared he is. Just because we can tell this guy doesn't want to be dropped down seven stories doesn't mean the audience will.
Once Bruce tells the thug "I'm Batman!" and swoops away, this is a perfect opportunity for a Batman Intro Package. Let's kick it off with bite like "I'm Bruce Wayne, a billionaire entrepreneur here in Gotham City. My parents were murdered in an alley 20 years ago, and to avenge their deaths, I assume the identity of Batman!" Marry this with a sexy montage of him with the Batmobile, the Batcycle, his outfits, him working out, etc. Without this set up, he's too much inscrutable. How can I root for him if he doesn't explicitly tell me why he does what he does?
JACK NAPIER & HIS BOSS
There's a great scene where the District Attorney Harvey Dent says he's going to go after organized crime. How bad is crime in Gotham City? When Dent makes this claim, let's cut to the flashback of Batman fighting those thugs. The audience will need a visual reminder about how bad the crime is in this city.
Jack Napier seems like a really interesting guy -- was he one of the husbands on Real Housewives of New Jersey? (Please double check). It seems to me like he is the second in command to crime boss Carl Grissom but it's not obvious. Let's do a chryon pass on this scene. Have Jack's lower third say "Jack Napier, 40, Second-In-Command, Grissom Crime Family." If we tell the audience all the information for a scene, they can really enjoy it.
Based on Grissom's look to Jack after his girlfriend comes in, it's apparent that obviously something is going on between her and Jack. Let's drive that home with a bite from Jack along the lines of "I really hope Carl doesn't realize that I've been seeing his girlfriend behind his back. Considering Carl's violent history, that would be really awkward for me!" In his own words, of course.
Vicki Vale's introduction at the newspaper is great and we are big fans of hers here at the network. Let's build out an intro package for her saying how long she's been a photojournalist, and then have her talk about her love of fashion and high-heel shoes. (Minimize the shots of her photos from the war-torn Corto Maltese - too serious) The women we feature on our network need to COME ACROSS as smart, driven professionals but we actually showing them doing their job is a bridge our audience just can't cross.
CONFRONTATION AT AXIS CHEMICALS
When Jack gets double-crossed by Grissom, please add a bite where he exclaims his disgust. He falls into the vat of chemicals, put in a cymbal scrape to really drive home how dangerous that is. (Should we put a trigger warning at the top of the episode? Let's discuss)
When Jack becomes the Joker and kills Grissom, let's get a bite from one of his henchmen about the transformation. If we can get someone to tell us how big the Joker's change is, we can then really feel it!
The flirtation between Vicki and Bruce is palpable but again, since we really don't know Bruce Wayne at all, I am bored SOLID by this interaction. Has it been a while since he's dated? What is his type? Is he a virgin? Let's throw in a bio bite about his history with the opposite sex here. That will really help this scene out.
ATTACK AT ART MUSEUM
Oof, I am not a fan of the Joker defacing all the artwork. First of all, that's bad for us legally. Secondly, can we clear all those paintings? If not, our blur costs will go through the roof! Let's use a different take.
Batman asks how much Vicki Vale weighs and then lifts her up using his grappling hook, he says "You don't weigh 110 pounds." She says "No kidding!" Let's drive this humor home by adding a woodblock sound effect and then cut to Batman's interview where he wordlessly smirks to the camera. Let's take every comedic opportunity possible!
Per legal, every logo of every cosmetic poisoned by the Joker needs to be blurred.
BRUCE/JOKER CONFRONTATION AT VICKI'S APARTMENT
When the Joker says "Do you ever dance with devil by the pale moonlight", we FINALLY get a flashback. However, it's to a scene we haven't seen yet. How can we flashback to something we haven't seen yet?! No. This is not how we do things at this network. Let's add the scene to the top of the show and then an additional pick up scene where Bruce laments his parents' being killed (and then we can flashback to the first scene in this pick up scene. Now THAT'S being creative!)
VICKI GOES TO THE BATCAVE
Alfred lets Vicki into the Batcave and we don't here what Vicki thinks of that? Let's get into her head here and hear how she feels about Bruce keeping his huge mancave a secret. Does she want to redecorate it?
We've been hearing so many orchestral music cues; let's swap them up here with something more poppy or modern. Dig into those music libraries and let's make some magic!
BATMAN'S CONFRONTATION WITH THE JOKER IN DOWNTOWN GOTHAM CITY
Let's add a Joker bite to the previous scene about how his real plan is to kill the populace of the city with the Smylex gas by using his giving away millions of dollars a ruse. When the balloons with the killer gas start to leak, there is no context for it and therefore the audience won't care.
The fight sequence between Batman and the Joker is excellent. When the Joker says to his henchman "Where does he get those wonderful toys?", let's throw in an animated Joker bite where he laments Batman's wealth of weaponry. What kind of toys would the Joker want? Let's hear from him as much as we can!
In the final fight on the bellower, Joker throws on a pair of glasses and then says "You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?" and then Batman does! Hilarious! Let's drive that home with a record scratch SFX. That way the audience will know it's funny!
If you have any questions, just let us know. We look forward to getting this changes done by the end of day. Thanks!